There Are Over 5,600 Words In A Cheesecake Factory Menu And I Love Every Single One Of Them

I don't like to spoil drafts but there's a reason we're talking chain restaurants this week at Barstool Chicago. And amongst the places discussed in live competition and later in honorable mention, nobody's menu comes close to the full body 12-page masterpiece from Cheesecake Factory. The recipe book and cook line has to be nothing short of preposterous. Imagine having master this entire body of work. This is PhD level of preparation.

Honestly just impressive someone organized that type of menu much less they actually buy the food that goes into these recipes. The amount of cold storage is absolutely staggering. Just thinking about the spices and butter and cream needed to execute these dishes has my cholesterol spiked and I don't even track that shit yet. How do you make any decisions at a cheesecake factory knowing everything at each turn is absolutely fucking delicious. If budding cholesterol is a risk then don't even get me going on the anxiety that comes with 5,650+ words of decisions. 

But even so that's the price you pay for a broad and delicious experience. None of this pussy specialization stuff. Give me 10 broad categories from Pasta to Burgers to Steaks and Pizza. I want everything inbetween and nothing less. I'm even open to mid-meal advertisements

That's life at the factory. You get bombarded with flavors and dishes and entres and that's before we even get to the namesake cheesecake. Slathered in any type of sweet sauce your brain can dream of, there's no more appropriate finishing move to a 4-course lunch in the middle of an outdoor shopping mall. Walk those calories off as you double back to Nordstrom. You're smart enough to know you always try on clothes after you eat. 

Anyways shout out to Cheesecake Factory. I'm going there for dessert later today. Leading off with Benihana because I'm loyal to hibachi but don't think I'm passing up desert next door. I'm crazy, not stupid. 

Listen to the draft: