Scientists Say That Birds Make People As Happy As Money Which Proves My Study That Science Needs To Be Defunded

The social isolation necessitated by the coronavirus pandemic has pushed many people to escape into the outdoors and reconnect with nature. Research suggests that spending more time in nature and with animals can help people relax and even lessen physical and mental stress. 

And the more birds, the better, according to the study, which analyzed data from the "2012 European quality of Life Survey" on life satisfaction in more than 26,000 adults from 26 European countries. A 10 percent increase in the number of bird species in peoples' surroundings increased their life satisfaction as much as an extra 10 percent in the bank, the study found.

I am not going to go all Mac-From-Always-Sunny here and say that "science is a liar...sometimes", but it shit like this that makes me think that science has way too much time and money on their hands. Oh birds make people as happy as money? Okay, cool. Offer someone a million birds or a million dollars and see which one they choose. I don't need science to tell me money is better. The fact that they say birds make people just as happy as money is ridiculous. I've known a few "bird people" in my time and let me tell you, people who like birds are weirdos. 1000% of the time. Just get a dog and be normal. This makes me want to cut funding to science by like 50%. A little less time with dumb ass studies and birds vs money and happiness and a little more time curing cancer and building hover boards. 

This is why I don't understand why people shit on religion while being all high and mighty about science. I love science. I am typing this right now with ease all because of science. Science is fucking great, most of the time. Having said that...there is a study like or even dumber ones posted online like every day. If I were a religious zealot and some uppity science asshole was shitting on my lifestyle choices I'd be like "yeah, well, most of the stories in the bible that are ridiculous were written 5000 years ago. Your study about birds being better than cash was posted on Tuesday". Checkmate, for Jesus. People are always fucking things up and always will. Doesn't matter if it's a story in the Old Testament or some doctoral researcher. You just have to extract the good parts from both and leave the rest behind. 

Also...birds aren't even real.