All I Want To Do Is Take Charges For Brad Underwood

I know this may sound weird, mostly because I've already exhausted all 4 years of my Division 1 NCAA eligibility. 

But I woke up today with unbridled clarity about the purpose and direction of my life. Thumping Michigan by 1,000 jostled my brain into the fresh realization that all I want to do is take charges for Brad Underwood. And none of that figurative pussy shit either. I'm talking literal, real life possession-changing offensive fouls drawn from the sacrifice of my own flesh & blood. That's what I want to offer Brad Underwood and I won't be a real man until I win his approval. 

Let me show you how bad I want it Coach

And let's be clear guys. I know some people like to doubt me and my love for the University of Illinois. But I want it so fucking bad. There's just something about getting disciplined and screamed at by Brad Underwood that makes sense to my brain. I want him shaping my bad decisions and flaws into sound leadership traits. I want him correcting my form - all of it. I don't even care what kind of form we're talking about. I just want instructional correction from Brad Underwood in all material respects. I sincerely love this man and I want everybody to know about it. 

Great fucking win last night Coach. 

I have a shovel and a trunk if you ever need a guy.