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Breaking: Bruce Springsteen's DUI Charges are Dropped

Source - Prosecutors dismissed the two most serious criminal charges that the rock icon Bruce Springsteen was facing — drunken driving and reckless driving — during a brief videoconference on Wednesday morning in federal court in New Jersey.

Mr. Springsteen, 71, pleaded guilty to the least serious charge, drinking alcohol in a closed area, or an area where it is barred. He was fined $540.

“Two small shots of tequila,” Mr. Springsteen said as his lawyer, Mitchell Ansell, walked him through his guilty plea.

“Mr. Springsteen, I need to ask you how long you need to pay the fine,” the judge, Anthony R. Mautone, said. 

“I think I can pay that immediately,” Mr. Springsteen answered. 

Not knowing anything about the Honorable Anthony R. Mautone, I can almost guarantee you he's one of those those wry, sarcastic, hilarious judges you get anytime someone goes to court in a sitcom. "Mr. Springsteen, your first album was released in 1972. In '75, you were on the cover of Time and Newsweek in the same week. You've spent the last 50 years touring around the world, writing megahits for other artists, Oscar-winning movie theme songs and a best selling autobiography, did a stint on Broadway with the most expensive tickets in the history of theater and just did a Super Bowl ad. How much time do you need to raise 540 bucks?"  Oh, Judge Mautone, you cut up!

But that's me burying the lede. The important thing we all need to takeaway from this is to not rush to judgement on this DUI cases. Nothing brings out the preachiness and self-righteous indignation like a celebrity's name in a headline next to the words "drunk driving." Suddenly it turns everyone into the Women's Christian Temperance Union and the clock back to 1920. And anyone who so much as gets charged under suspicion of DUI into history's greatest monster. 

Let me tell you something you already know. Driving under the influence is wrong, dangerous and can destroy lives. Let me tell you something you probably don't know. It's not against the law for a guy to do a shot of tequila with a fan and then drive away on his motorcycle, which is exactly what happened in this case. 

The expression "drinking and driving" makes for nice, catchy alliteration, but it's not a crime. If it was, every place with a liquor license and a parking lot would be under siege by ATF agents. The legal standard is that your ability to operate a motor vehicle is impaired by the alcohol. That's it. Nothing less than that. 

I'm not an expert on anything, but I am in this. For the better part of 15 years I sat in a courtroom where 99% of the trials were drunk driving cases. Anyone in that line of work will tell you they're all more or less the same. I could probably prosecute one or defend one. And I've been a witness in one. It's a damned tricky charge to get a conviction on. The gap between "police officer found probably cause enough to make an arrest" and "guilty beyond a reasonable doubt" is immense. Especially when you're trying to prove that said rock legend couldn't operate his motorcycle safely because of the thing he drank, and not for some other reason like weather or road conditions or because he had a bad cold or whatever. 

The Boss clearly did himself a favor by taking the Breathalyzer. Without that, he'd been getting dragged right now in the court of public opinion. The members of the Anti-Saloon League would be saying he's a reckless, immoral menace to society. But with this medical proof in his favor, there's no way a jury would've convicted him. So the court did the right thing instead of wasting everyone's time with a show trial. I'm sure some will claim this is just a case of a celebrity buying his way out of trouble. But this would've been the outcome even if it was Jon Bon Jovi or someone from Nickelback or even a lowly blogger. Remember this next time some other famous person whose provided you with hundreds of hours of free entertainment gets stopped on suspicion of DUI. It's only just suspicion. 

Justice is served. Let's hear it for America!