"The Cocksman Hall Of Fame" Inaugural Class Inductee: Derek Jeter

Dante2/15/2021 5:30 PM

(Disclaimer. This blog is a heavy loader. And it was supposed to go up last week. Don't blame the author. Blame that bastard Derek Jeter. I totally underestimate the numbers. And the pedigree.)

Last week we presented the Innaugural Induction Class of The Cocksman Hall Of Fame.

The expose of ass Derek Jeter conducted from the mid-nineties into the 20-teens is unfathomable.

Historians will look back and be baffled. How was one man capable of such high quality numbers?

Love or hate Derek Jeter and the Yankees, you have to respect the man and his resume.

Let's examine it shall we?

Mariah Carey - 1996 - 1998

First off, find you a girl that looks at you the way Mariah Carey looks at Derek Jeter.

Holy shit.

Secondly, talk about a hot start.

The two supposedly met at a benefit in late 1996, when Jeter was just 22 and Carey 26. And while she was married to Sony music mogul Tommy Mottola. (Rumor is Jete's was the reason Mariah finally left Mattola) The two denied they were more than just friends at the time, but the singer would years later fess up to the romance, stretched into 1998.

Lara Dutta - 2000

The Indian-born Dutta had quite the year 2000, being crowned Miss Universe and hooking up with Jeter, reportedly for a year-long romance. The Miss Universe thing launched Dutta's Bollywood career.

Joy Enriquez - 2001

Many of you are asking who the hell is Joy Enriquez?

Well in the year 2001 she was making some noise as a noted backup singer for Mariah Carey, and had a role on the television series "7th Heaven".

Jeter was already a 4 time World Series champion, perennial all-star, and the face of baseball. And king of New York.

The two crossed paths at the 2001 All-Star game where Enriquez was the date of Alex Rodriguez. No joke…

Jordana Brewster - 2002

This is my low key favorite.

Back before they made 400 Fast and Furious movies, Jordana Brewster was the standout star.

She should have been way more famous.

Jeter and her lasted less than a year.

Fun fact- her mom appeared on the cover of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue 1978.

Vanessa Minnillo - 2003 - 2005

Jeter took Miss Teen USA winner and tv hostess Vanessa Minnillo to sit courtside with him at a Knicks game and caused a media explosion.

From that point on they were seen out together regularly for two years before Jeter cut her loose in 2005.

Minnillo went on to date and eventually marry Nick Lachey.

Jessica Alba - 2004

Wanna know how down low and stealth Jetes was? A picture of these two together does not exist. Even though they dated for nearly a year.

One of the hottest women of all time no bones about it.

(NSFW LINK FOR RESEARCH PURPOSES ONLY)

Scarlett Johansson - 2004

Historians argue Babe Ruth's 1921 season was the greatest season for an individual player of all time. And it's hard to disagree. That year, Ruth hit .378 with 59 home runs and 171 RBI and 177 runs, putting up the all-time best WAR with 14.0. As for how dominant he was that year, only one player managed a WAR over 10, his slugging percentage was .200 points higher than anyone else's and the next highest home run total was 24.

But I do disagree.

I argue Derek Jeter's 2004 season was unparalleled.

He somehow managed to peel off of the Vanessa Minnillo relationship and parlay that into flings with Jessica Alba AND Scarlett Johansson. Are. You. Kidding. Me?

You would think it stopped there. But Derek Jeter was just getting warmed up.

Adriana Lima - 2006

I'm not sure we will ever see a run like this in our lifetimes.

Tyra Banks - 2007

One of the best double plays Jeter ever turned in his career. Stringing Victoria's Secret models back to back.

Vida Guerra - 2005

Growing up in Massachusetts during the 90s and 2000s it was a requirement to hate Derek Jeter because he was the epitome of the Yankees.

I hated him because he dated Vida Guerra.

(NSFW LINK 1 FOR RESEARCH PURPOSES ONLY)

(NSFW LINK 2 FOR RESEARCH PURPOSES ONLY)

And I hated him for

Jessica Biel - 2007

It just doesn't end. The guy was a man possessed. In 2007 he nabbed "America's Sweetheart", Jessica Biel. They lasted a year (classic Jeter) before splitting. Biel moved on to Justin Timberlake and eventually married him.

I'm running out of blog space and Jeter isn't even close to being done yet..

Gabrielle Union - 2007

Rumors flew that Jeter and Union got together when Jeter was coming off his split with Jessica Biel and Union divorced NFL running back Chris Howard.

Rachel Uchitel - 2008

Possibly the only blemish on Jeter's record. Uchitel was famous for ruining Tiger Woods' marriage/life so she often gets overlooked as one of Jeter's flames because of the stigma attached. Not on my watch.

She was tabbed with getting Tao's outposts up and running around the country which was how she claimed to have had affairs with all the stars she did including Woods, Stephen Dorf, Ryan Seacrest, and others.

Minka Kelly - 2008- 2011

Everybody thought that Minka Kelly was the one who finally tamed the wild horse. They were voted sexiest couple alive, she cheered him on throughout the 2009 World Series, and the whole world seemed to adore them. But the love didn't last.

And then there was one…

Hannah Davis 2012 - Present

David burst onto the scene in the memorable DirecTV Super Bowl commercial which may or may not have caught Jeter's eye.

But the two hooked up when she was just 24, were on and off again til 2014 before getting back together and getting married in 2016. They've been together since.