"The Cocksman Hall Of Fame" Inaugural Class Inductee: Prince

Dante2/04/2021 9:25 PM

(Disclaimer - I know I promised this would be up yesterday, but I severely underestimated the amount of gash Prince slayed and this ended up taking much much longer than I expected. My apologies)

Tuesday we presented the Inaugural Class of "The Cocksman Hall Of Fame", Derek Jeter, Prince, and Dennis Rodman.

And we broke down Rodman's stat sheet.

Quite impressive to say the least.

Today we examine Prince's tale-of-the-tape.

Walk with me if you will along the cold and blustery streets of Minneapolis, Minnesota.

A petite 19-year-old with the government name of Prince Rogers Nelson has just signed a deal with Warner Bros. music and launch a career that will see 39 studio produced albums, an Oscar Award-winning soundtrack, and a genre inventing, music changing style all his own.

What Prince lacked in size, he more than made up for with his booming falsetto voice, and his virtuosity on guitar. He was one of the best ever.

He passed away suddenly in 2016 leaving behind him a wake of musical greatness, and A+ babes.

Let's head to the tape-

"Vanity" aka Denise Matthews - 1980

Want to know what a fuckin cocksman Prince was?

In 1980 he was introduced to Denise Matthews, at the American Music Awards.

Prince renamed her Vanity after convincing her that she was the female form of himself and he made her the lead singer of the girl group he had created, Vanity 6.

The two dated until 1983 and appeared on the cover of Rolling Stone together

Apollonia - 1984

"Ya know how long I been on ya, since Prince was on Apollonia…"

Vanity made one of the biggest career blunders ever by quitting her co-lead role in Purple Rain.

This was when 24-year-old Mexican model Patricia Apollonia Kotero swooped in and took over the role.

She became known as Apollonia and was cast in the film's leading female role, with the character's name being changed from Vanity 6 to Apollonia 6, which also became the name of her girl band. (Laugh out loud funny)

If you're on the fence about Apollonia's looks keep in mind this was the 1980's, and that after Prince and her split, she dated David Lee Roth and notorious slimeball Lorenzo Lamas.

(NSFW LINK FOR RESEARCH PURPOSES ONLY)

Susan Moonsie - 1984

This relationship was over just as quick as it started, however, it was important because she was the inspiration behind "When Doves Cry".

Susanna Hoffs - 1984

Rumor has it that Prince gave the song "Manic Monday," which he wrote in 1984, to Susanna Hoffs and The Bangals so that she would sleep with him.

Sheena Easton - 1985

Again, please keep in mind this was the 80s and the 80s was a weird time.

Susannah Melvoin - 1985

Susannah was Prince's first "true-love". He proposed to her and she said yes in 1985.

She was a talented singer herself and a songwriter. She is perhaps most famous for being the muse Prince used to write "Nothing Compare 2 U"

which was later made famous by Sinead O'Connor who went on to win a Grammy for it.

(true psychopath but one of the best songs ever)

Sheila. E - (1978-1989)

Prince definitely had a thing for finding talent and then "dating" it.

Sheila. E was probably his most famous protege music-wise.

She had a couple hit songs like "The Glamorous Life" which was released in 1984 and earned her a Best New Artist Grammy nomination.

Madonna - 1985

Man, Prince was slingin a lot of dick in 1985. How the fuck did he have this much energy? He was smashing like 10 different chicks at the same time. Madonna included.

Their romance was short-lived though as Madonna reportedly left Prince for Sean Penn.

Sherilyn Fenn - 1986

Twin Peaks was a huge show in the 80s and Sherilyn Fenn was the star. Of course Prince smashed.

Their relationship was quick but they remained friends up until Prince's death.

Cat Glover - (Late 1980s)

Cat was one of Prince's first backup dancers.

This chick was obviously one of the lesser-known names but she had a body from hell and she knew how to use it

They basically used to fuck on stage

He dug her so much that he put her on the cover of his "Sign Of The Times" single cover

Kim Bassinger - 1989

Now it gets good.

The pair dated in 1989 when Basinger was in Batman.

They recorded Prince's EP The Scandalous Sex Suite with Bassinger playing her Vicki Vale character from Batman.

Prince recorded Bassinger speaking and orgasming while they had sex. Allegedly for hours.

People forget what a dime Kim B was.

Tara Leigh Patrick aka Carmen Electra - 1990-1993

Prince took cute bubbly Tara Leigh Patrick from Sharonville, Ohio and turned her into one of the biggest sex symbols of all time, dubbing her Carmen Electra.

'He said, "You’re not Tara, you’re Carmen", and I said, "OK, I can get into this",' she told reporters years ago.

For those doubting Prince's stat sheet, he belongs in the Hall for the fact alone that the world would never have known who Carmen Electra was if not for him. Don't ever forget it.

For a PLETHORA of Carmen pics, vids, and gifs check out The Carmen Electra Greatest Hits mixtape blog from a few months back

(NSFW LINK TO THE CHOSEN ONE, LEGEND OF THE RAVEN FOR RESEARCH PURPOSES ONLY)

Anna Fantastic - Early 90s

Anna Fantastic was Prince's live-in girlfriend in the early-1990s.

Troy Beyer - 1992

Heidi Mark - 1991

Heidi Mark was an American model and actress. She is of Finnish descent; her father was born in Helsinki, Finland. She has worked at her father's law office and Hooters. She was Playboy's Playmate of the Month for July 1995.

(NSFW LINK FOR RESEARCH PURPOSES ONLY)

Tatiana Thumbtzen - 1992

Tatiana Thumbtzen and Prince dated hot off her appearance in Michael Jackson's "Way You Make Me Feel" video. After their split she went on to "date" Jacko.

Nona Gaye - 1993-1995

Nona Gaye was Marvin Gaye's daughter

During their time together Prince changed his name into a symbol.

Mayte Garcia - 1996-1999

Prince and Mayte met in 1990 when her mother sent Prince's team a video of then-16-year-old Garcia dancing.

At 18, she became the focus of Prince's 1992 album whose title was an unpronounceable symbol and later became known as "Love Symbol".

A year later, on Valentine's Day in 1996, 22-year-old Garcia and 37-year-old Prince tied the knot.
In October of that year Garcia gave birth to their son, Prince's only child, called Boy Gregory.
The baby was born with Pfeiffer syndrome, a rare disorder that does not allow the head to grow properly due to the premature fusion of certain bones of the skull.
He died just a week after his birth.
The experience took a toll on their relationship, and within two years they had split. Their marriage was annulled on their third wedding anniversary in 1999.

Prince also wrote his 1995 hit song 'The Most Beautiful Girl in the World' about Garcia.

Ananda Lewis - 2001

Two things here.

1- People today forget or have ZERO clue how huge MTV VJ's were back in the 90s and 2000s. Some of the biggest known names on the planet.

2- Ananda Lewis was a fuckin ROCKET

Manuela Testolini 2001- 2006

Testolini was 24 when she married the singer, who was 43 at the time, shortly after meeting him while working for his charitable foundation.

Brenda Fuentes aka Bria Valentine - 2007

Prince began a relationship with Bria Valente, who was born Brenda Fuentes, a year after the end of his marriage.

Misty Copeland - 2009

There were rumors that Prince smashed ballerina Misty Copeland after she appeared in his 2009 music video for "Crimson and Clover" and joined him on select tour dates to dance while he performed.

Prince passed away in 2016 but boy what a run. Who knows where this would have stopped had he not been taken from this world too soon.