The Phillies Absolutely Batshit Luck Their Way Into Re-Signing JT Realmuto

Bless you, zero MLB market for the #1 catcher in the game! Bless you to the moon and stars! Ya gotta feel for JT Realmuto who is objectively the best player at his position while hitting Free Agency in his prime. After James McCann was signed for the Mets, there was really no other team out there with the nuts and/or guts to back the Brinks truck up to JT's front porch. The longer the offseason went on the more it looked like the only legit options were either coming back undervalued to the Phillies or take a huge risk with a short term deal. Sure, there was interest from the Blue Jays, Padres, and some last minute REAL scary pokes from the Braves (seriously, guys, fuck off), but in the end nobody would give Realmuto what he deserves. And honestly, even though JT is getting the highest per year contract for a catcher in MLB history, he still probably deserves more. Especially after dealing with this damn bullpen for the past two years: 

But good on JT for finally getting paid. And good on the Phillies who fucking lucked out on this thing, but at least they can make Bryce and the fans somewhat happy. Oh, and possible above all validate giving up Sixto Sanchez to only get left with their dicks in their hands. That's actually big. Now please get a shortstop (SIGN DIDI AGAIN STUPID MONEY, RIGHT???) and about 400 arms in the bullpen and we may have ourselves a ballclub, baby! 

Long Live JT. 

PS - Possible next stop for JT and the gang: A Return To Camp Smitty. If myself and Shorts Carrabis could lead Rhys Hoskins off to a MLB record setting start, it's time to revisit what works: