Last Night I Discovered That UFC Is The Shit

Last night around 8 or 9pm, I was flicking through the channels and stumbled upon UFC replays on ESPN2. I've only watched a handful of UFC fights before, for no reason at all other than I just never really got into it. There's really no reason for it. It's just something I never personally got into and that's that. But I am officially all in aka I'll start buying the PPVs and following it a lot more. Shit on me and call me names if you will - it's better to be late than never. 

Anyways, this is the fight replay that got me hooked: 

Ho. Lee. Fuck. Those motherfuckers were beating the absolute shit out of each other. I was glued to the TV screen and then sent out this tweet: 

Which was met with a barrage of recommendations of different fights to watch. A popular one was from this past weekend that I missed. 

Unfortunately I couldn't find it anywhere to watch it legally. I would have ripped it off some shady website, but we don't want people ripping RNR off of us, so I didn't do that. That's called professionalism or something. Anyways, I opted for other recommendations instead as I went down my rabbit hole. Next up was Poirier vs. Hooker:

Just a GUTTER WAR. And is it me or does Dan Hooker kinda look like a yoked up Chris Sale? 

Idk prolly not but he reminds me of someone and Sale was the first name that popped into my head last night. Anyways that fight was insane. After watching Poirier vs. Gaethje and then Poirier vs. Hooker I kinda fell in love with this Poirier cat. Just a brawler and the two fights of his I watched were absurdly entertaining. We'll put him on layaway for now though - next up was a recommendation from that dickhead Dallas Braden: 

Just an exhilarating 7 minutes. At first I thought that Dallas was fucking with me and sent me an old American Gladiators clip or something, but I was WAY wrong. Those two wanted to end each other's souls like for real. Completely agree with Dallas when he said he'd spend an arm and a leg to watch two athletes of those sizes from today get in the Octagon to start beating each other to a bloody pulp. 

Then I got to Conor McGregor. Now obviously I know who Conor McGregor is - he's arguably the most recognizable athlete on the planet right now. Him, Lebron and a few soccer players I'd guess are on that pantheon right now. I bought his fight vs. Mayweather and have seen a few of his other PPVs, but the fights were never good enough to get me hooked on the sport because he just killed everyone so fast, and that's what he did in his fight against Poirier:

Just so confident and so calm and collected. He had Poirier on full tilt from before first pitch or the opening tip or coin flip or whatever the UFC equivalent is. This was in 2014 though - a lot has changed since then and after 6 years, Poirier will get his rematch against Notorious on Saturday night. I'm totally going to put off going out and getting pussy this weekend aka sitting on my couch and playing Call of Duty to buy this fight and I cannot WAIT for it. 

But I didn't stop at McGregor vs. Poirier I… It ended with me watching Khabib vs. Gaethje and Khabib literally put him to sleep:

And then I watched a few more fights before I was given a recommendation on what might have been the best fight out of all the amazing fights I've seen: Joanna Jedrzejczyk vs Weili Zhang:

Jesus CHRIST were those two girls fucking each other up!!! I mean what an INCREDIBLE fight! How in the hell was Joanna (not even gonna attempt the last name) fully conscious of what she was doing while her head swelled to like… double its normal size? Just craziness. The entire fight I was doing this: 

and I loved every second of it. So yeah, I'm in. 

I don't got shit else to do, so let's MMA, bitches. I have two questions:

1. Who should be my favorite fighter? I kinda assume everyone has their favorite fighter just like everyone has their favorite team. I really like this Poirier cat but that's only because I watched like 4 of his fights last night and they were all entertaining AF. Only thing is is that I don't wanna root for chalk. I want someone that will piss me off when he loses just like any of my other teams. One of my favorite parts about being a sports fan is being a miserable sports fan and bitching when my teams suck.

2. Who should I hate? There's gotta be a villain in the UFC so let me know so I can get on board with hating him too. I want to put him next to the Packers, Cubs and Yankees on my Mt. Rushmore of hate. That's my next favorite part about sports is hating other teams and other fanbases. Fuck the Cubs and fuck Marty Mush that weasel. 

So yeah. This was long winded. If there is anyone else out there in similar shoes as me looking for something to do because of COVID, go down a UFC rabbit hole like I did. It was a really easy and fun way to kill time on a mundane Monday night. Really excited to start following the storylines of the sport. 

Now is your time to shit on me for being a Johnny come lately or something. The floor is yours. Enjoy!