HAH, Potential Car-Jacker Was Too Tall To Steal a Car, Suck It

WOWT - A would-be carjacker finds he’s too tall to pull off a crime early Thursday morning. Around 1:30 am, a woman called 911 after a man showed a gun and pulled her out of her car. “He say get out of the car, and he show me a gun,” said the victim. The victim said she is four feet nine inches tall. When the taller carjacker tried to get behind the wheel he did not fit. Police said the suspect did not know how to adjust the seat. He made a break for it empty-handed. Police are still looking for him. “Well I am thankful for the car, my life most of all, the car ya know, that is nothing,” said the victim.

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SUCK IT, BITCHES! Won’t ever see me having any trouble stealing a car, now will ya? “Nate, you fucking midget, blah blah blah”…sorry couldn’t hear ya over the rev of the engine of the car I just stole. Who’s the midget now? Sure, girls hate short guys. And sure I’m balding, which double sucks cause any girl who isn’t the size of a cabbage patch doll can see that, but whatever, I’ll take this small victory. Can’t rain on my parade, no no no. That’s what life is all about. Small victories wherever you can find one. I can steal a car and tall people can’t. Best Friday ever.