There Is a Killer Squirrel on the Loose in Queens Challenging Residents to 'Cage Matches'

If you find yourself in Rego Park, Queens anytime soon and you see a squirrel that looks like he's up to no good, you need to turn and run.

ABC 7 NY — Residents in Queens have reported at least five attacks from aggressive squirrels since late November.

Most of the attacks have happened on 65th Drive near Fitchett Street in Rego Park.

One woman needed to visit the emergency room after her hand was bitten by a squirrel. Others have said they are afraid to walk in their own neighborhood due to the critters.
Micheline Frederick said she was attacked on Dec. 21.

"It just basically runs up my leg and I'm like OK squirrel, hello, what are you doing," Frederick said. "He either bit or scratched me on my neck and then I must have reached over and next thing I know, it's a cage match and I'm losing."

Killer squirrels terrorizing New York City neighborhoods is precisely the end to 2020 we should expect. And I thought this may have been some sort of embellishing headline or a joke, but the people in that video don't look like they're laughing. They've got cuts and bruises like you read about.

My main question is how many squirrels we're talking about here. Is it one rogue squirrel going about the town on a mission from Hell or is there an entire group carefully plotting their next attack? I honestly don't know if it's worse to have these things in numbers or one dude who's able to go around causing this much damage.

Either way, I respect these squirrels as much as I am terrified by them. New York City has seen it all in 2020 and these fuckers have managed to swoop in at the 11th hour and steal the show, wreaking havoc on an entire neighborhood. That's badass.