The CDC Holiday Guidelines: No Signing, Loud Music or Alcohol. Good Luck with That.

Source -  The CDC offered new health and safety guidelines last week to consider during the holidays if people host or attend small gatherings.

The CDC advises to celebrate small gatherings with your own household this year to reduce the spread of COVID-19. If you must attend or host an event with people who live in different households it’s best to do so outdoors while limiting the number of attendees.

The holiday spirit may be dampened as the CDC says to 'encourage guests to avoid singing or shouting, especially indoors,' meaning there will be no Christmas caroling this year.

'Keep music levels down so people don’t have to shout or speak loudly to be heard,' the guidelines say. ...

The CDC labeled alcohol consumption as a high risk activity saying: 'Using alcohol or drugs that may alter judgment and make it more difficult to practice COVID-19 safety measures.' 

Admittedly, the Center for Disease Control hasn't had the greatest track record lately. Back in February the first batch of test kits they shipped to state labs were essentially useless and set a nationwide rollout of testing back weeks. Their attempts to track airline passengers flying in with the virus failed utterly. They initially were warning about catching the coronacooties from surfaces like elevator buttons and shopping cart handles. They encouraged people to keep going to big urban events like Chinese New Year. They told us wearing a mask not only didn't help, it made things worse. And their projections have been all over the map. 

But that's just a cynic talking. You can't just assume that because the agency that "waited its entire existence for this moment" has screwed pretty much all the pooches so far is wrong about this one. I'm not about to sit here and question their wisdom just because they're in a bit of a nine-month long slump. Eventually they'll get their bat around on a pitch, that ball will drop in and they'll be on a hot streak. And that time is now, I can feel it.

So the folks at the CDC say no singing, no music and no alcohol? I say, no problem. They say don't get together with anyone unless you absolutely have to? And only then to do it outside? My only question is what should I bring? There is no kind of social gathering like the kind where you stand around outdoors in New England in late December. Far apart from each other. Quietly. With the volume on the SiriusXM holiday channel turned way down. Enjoying a nice refreshing soft drink. That is festivity and the joy of the season personified. Just a good old fashioned Christmas, the way it's never been done since the first one. But that doesn't mean we can't do it this year. And make that curve as flat as North Pole ice.

Who needs loud music and booze anyway? It's not like it's some sort of a tradition. A way to celebrate Jesus' birthday and the end of another year. Maybe it goes back to antiquity. That loud, boozy parties filled with merriment are as old as Old Fezziwig inviting young Ebenezer Scrooge over, as 20th century as the whole town of Bedford Falls showing up at George Bailey's house with cash in hand and as current as Margarita Karaoke Christmas. 

But not this year. Our betters at the CDC are feeling like they've got this thing all figured out and I for one am going to go along with everything they're saying. If someone wants to break out into song, I'm shutting that right down. Reach for the volume knob on the Waitresses "Christmas Wrappings" and I'm hitting the power button. And my days of coping with my in-laws' stiff, awkward, joyless passive/aggressiveness is not going involve putting a bottle on my lips and medicating myself. It's going to be egg nog and love. 

Thank you, immunologists. You're doing a bang up job and I'm sure this is going to not only get a ton of support across the world, it will solve all our problems. I can't wait to hear what you've got in mind for New Year's Eve.