The State-by-State Election Night Results are In. For Porn Searches.

Source - Pornhub’s statisticians weren’t able to predict who each state voted for, but they were able to share what each state was searching for during election week!

The top relative search is the term that was more often searched in each state when compared to all other states. It’s a snap-shot of what was truly in the hearts and on the minds of everyday Americans while they waited to find out who their next president will be.

Some curiosities included the relative popularity of “succubus” in Oregon, “tushy” in Colorado (how cute!), “tickling” in Georgia, “yoga pants” in Iowa, “wedgie” in Connecticut and “accidental creampie” in Missouri.

Fans of mature porn were searching “granny” in Tennessee but nearby South Carolina preferred “grandma” and Ohio liked “cougar” porn. Hawaiians were searching “808” (the local area code), Louisiana had a craving for “popeyes”, Utah was checking out some wholesome “Mormon” porn while Texas was spicing things up with “sexmex”.

A few of the terms were even election related. There’s no doubt that Florida was big into “Trump”, Delaware was searching for “election” and in D.C. people were more likely to search for “vote” than any other state.

Video games are always a popular search on Pornhub, with New Mexico distracting themselves with “Fortnite” and Kentucky searching for “Among Us”. (See our recent Among Us Insights).

Bigly things, really huuuuuge, massive results were happening in several states like “fat ass” searches in Pennsylvania, “BBW” in West Virginia, “chubby” in Kansas and “big booty” in Alabama.

Oh, and Mississippi, we hope you found what you were looking for when you searched “pron” more than any other state.

I'm not here to offer political analysis. I'm no pundit. I'm no pollster. I can't manage a campaign. I leave that to the professionals. Let the handlers, the advisors, the organizers, the precinct captains, the canvassers and the ward bosses figure out how to use this data to get their candidate elected next time out.

Maybe they can suggest a broad pro-elderly message in Tennessee, South Carolina and Ohio. Maybe they need to make a strong push for body positivity in Pennsylvania, West Virginia, Kansas and Alabama. And maybe not talk about education too much in the Typo State of Mississippi. I leave that sort of strategizing to the Poly-Sci majors and the people with a dog in the fight. 

But just as an interested observer of the country and someone with an amateur history buff's interest in how America works, this is proof to me why we have an Electoral College. Because the Founders never figured we'd be one, big, homogeneous country. We'd be 13 - and eventually 50 - small, separate countries, united into one great nation. With different priorities, values, cultures, kinks and fetishes. What one man jerks it to is not what all men jerk to. Maybe in a place like Germany, they're all interested in, say, same genre of schizer videos (link SFW), that doesn't fly in this diverse land. While a Utahan may prefer seeing a pale guy in a white shirt and a thin black tie ringing some lonely Catholics wife's door, a Texan might want a little LatinX action. And Oregon ... well I can't explain Oregon. Our differences are our strengths. 

So thank you, PornHub, for the important civics lesson. In addition to all the rest of the things you do to make America great.