There's A Goddamn Dinosaur Reeking Havoc On A Florida Golf Course

What the FUCK is that thing? A Tyrannosaurus rex??? Jesus Christ that thing is terrifying.... but its awesome too. Just a dude trying to get a quick, early morning 9 in before he starts pounding the shuffleboard table and some 4pm supper at his Naples, FL condo complex. I don't hate it. In fact, I wish we had dinosaurs in the midwest. 

I've said it once and I'll say it again - we have the most boring animals on the entire planet in the midwest. Here and there you might see some deer or coyotes, but those are all whatever. Timid as fuck. Just once would I like to stumble upon a grizzly bear or a 30 foot boa constrictor walking down the street or a great white shark while I'm surfing in Lake Michigan. Instead our animals are a bunch of soft ass bitches. I found a Gartner snake in my back yard one time growing up - it was like a foot long. Total embarrassment to the snake community. Also would catch toads here and there too growing up. 

But all they did was sit there and give people warts. Give me goddamn dinosaurs in the midwest. I know we had our little Humbolt Park lagoon crocodile last year, but that thing just chilled in the water and was caught by some hipster from Florida in like 2 mins once he got here. Didn't have a female croc to breed with so he was a one and done guy. Can't even count him.

Here's an idea - apparently we're the rat capital of the country, so maybe we should release a bunch of dinosaur sized alligators in West Town alleys to control the rat population. The alley cats clearly aren't working - again - because midwest cats are a bunch of bitches. I'll take a tiger or something too. Just something to spice up the animal scene here in the midwest, because quite frankly, it stinks out loud. 

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