Guy Gets His Backpack Stolen At The Belmont Country Club With Just An Absurd List Of Contents

Now that right there is how you do backpacks! Good lord is that an unreal list. Every time I see chicks with huge purses I always think that I couldn’t possibly find enough stuff to fill that and make lugging it around worthwhile. Well now I know that’s because I’m poor. That’s because I don’t have alligator skin passport holders, $700 notebooks, $4,000 worth of pens and a solid gold cigar cutter. Maybe if I worked a little harder and quit napping on the job (or at 7:30 PM, depending if we wanna go with facts or just make up stories because it’s a slow blog day) then I’d live a lavish life where all of my necessary day-to-day possessions didn’t fit in my front pocket. If I just kept my nose to the grindstone instead of the desk I could be rolling up to BCC with $8,000 in cash and not think “Hm, maybe I shouldn’t leave this on the seat and give my keys to this minimum wage worker.” Hell, I hide my Ray Bans every time I park my car. But that’s because I’m poor and having to spend an extra $200 on sunglasses means I can’t eat for the rest of the weekend.

h/t Zach