Stay Woke: Apple Will Be Using Charlie Brown To Brainwash The Next Generation And There's Nothing We Can Do About It

Vulture - Want to watch It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown this Halloween? Or A Charlie Brown Christmas? There’s an app for that— specifically Apple TV+. The classic Peanuts specials, which have aired on broadcast TV for decades, will soon have an exclusive streaming home on Apple’s subscription-based TV platform.

Peanuts specials not airing on a free, over-the-air broadcast network for the first time since the 1965 Christmas special debuted is another milestone moment in TV history. But perhaps in a nod to ensuring wide access, Apple is planning to make some of the classic specials free to all — even nonsubscribers — for a limited time. Great Pumpkin will stream outside of the TV+ paywall from October 30 through November 1, allowing anyone, even viewers without an Apple TV+ account or device, to watch. 

On one hand, I love when new technologies replace old, outdated technologies. If the world stops evolving, we are just standing in place, and that'd be bad. On the other hand, you have to respect tradition. And this is god damn Charlie Brown. This is Lucy. This is Linus, for heaven's sake. You can't just pull "It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" off of TV! We live in a society here! We have rules!!!! 

So I can't figure out how I feel about this at all. Because on one hand, kids should grow up watching the Charlie Brown classics, on their TVs, the way it's been done since the 1950s. On the other hand, fuck them kids. Technology is our new overlord, Steve Jobs is our new savior, and we will bow at the alter of Apple if we want to see Charlie and his friends celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.

They are doing the kind thing and streaming each special for free for a few days…aka getting kids hooked on their service young. I love that people are STILL naive to that. "Like wow, how nice of Apple to stream it for free from October 30-November 1!!!", as if the entire point of that isn't to get young, impressionable minds in front of the Apple logo and let the brain-washing start young. Yes, even Charlie Brown is going to be used to corrupt the next generation. Amazing, right?