Genius Move?... OR... Complete Psychopath?

Large10/13/2020 7:24 PM

This blog is just a simple real-life observation that put me on my heels.

I dropped my middle school kid off at football the other night at 7 PM for a game that started at 8:15. It was a 30-minute drive from my house, so I couldn't simply jump home and then return to watch most of the game. So instead, I cruised around the towns of Montville and Towaco, NJ after dark.

For those who don't know Montville nor Towaco, welcome aboard because neither do I. And after driving around for the better part of an hour in the pitch dark, I still don't.

From what I understand, there is a pretty cool steakhouse there... It's called 'Rails', and it has a speakeasy wine cave in the basement. And although "speakeasy wine cave" sounds like something that would be right in my pretentious alcoholic wheelhouse, I was in shorts and a sweatshirt, so I couldn't venture a visit.

However, I was perfectly dressed for a small-town mom & pop ice cream shop, and that is exactly what I came across on Main Street in Towaco.

Dairy doesn't like me but I enjoy dairy, especially in a place like this with a handwritten chalkboard filled with today's flavors and local high school kids inside working the scoops.

Wearing my mask, I left my car and waited on line for ice cream behind 2 groups... The first (up at the window) was a mother and her small daughter. The second was simply a young handsome gentleman in his late 20s. And an acceptable 6 feet behind him, was me.

I did not pay attention to the first group, as I was too busy trying to figure out the proper 3 scoop permutation/combination of flavors to choose, but, by the time handsome-guy stepped up to the window, I could not help but overhear his order.

He ordered a milkshake in a flavor that the place was unfortunately out of, so he quickly went to his phone to call who I assume was his girlfriend, fiance, or wife for a viable second choice.

This mystery woman's second choice was in stock luckily, so he ordered a large different flavored milkshake, but added a little stink on the end...

"I'll have a large banana milkshake, please... But can I get the whipped cream on the side?"

Whipped cream on the side?

I heard this... Clear as day... And then immediately turned to the person behind me on line to get their reaction, but was slapped with the reality that there was no one behind me because it was 8 o'clock at night, and it was 45 degrees outside.

So I then "whipped" (like the cream) my head back around to witness the 2 kids behind the counter make this man his shake, and then give him a sealed coffee cup on the side filled with whipped cream... He paid cash, left what looked like an acceptable tip, and then walked away... Like nothing happened.

But something did happen.

This non-fat fuck taught this decidedly-fat fuck a new twist on ice cream orders.

I then stepped up to the window and laid down my order: 3 scoops- Black raspberry, choc chip, and plain chocolate in a cup... And when I completed my order by requesting, "Whip cream on the side", the 2 young ladies behind the counter began to giggle.

Speaking to them after, they told me they had collectively been working that window for 6 years, and they never heard such a request.

I told them I have been frequenting windows like theirs for 48 years, and ditto.

We then stared at each other until it became creepy.

I took my ice cream, paid with a credit card (so left no tip... sorry), and I sped away back to the field with more questions than answers.

Is whipped cream on the side the ultimate fat guy move?

Giphy Images.

Is it like ordering a small fry for the ride home?… The girl behind the counter did not give him a spoon, so if he did eat it in the car, he would've had to finger it out like a prom date.