I Can't Wait To Stunt On You Brokes In My Air Microclimate Helmet

In a matter of weeks you're going to catch me walking around Manhattan cosplaying as a fuckin astronaut while all you idiots are still struggling to breathe through masks that surgeons wear without a problem. You'll be fiddling and pulling and forgetting it in your apartment so you've gotta run back upstairs, meanwhile I'll happily be breathing the freshest air imaginable and looking like a member of Daft Punk who didn't read the whole memo about the point the helmets. Will I have it in every color? Absolutely. Will I match it to my outfits? You fucking bet. Will I have no idea what to when I need to cough or sneeze and will I need to scream incredibly loud for anyone to hear me? Undoubtedly. 

But at least I'll turn heads.

PS - While we're on astronauts, I've always thought I could be one. I still do, kinda. They're like space astronauts. I can do the hammering and button pushing, I just need a foreman in my ear telling me what to do.