What Could Possibly Go Wrong: British Man Attempts To Exterminate Wasp Nest With Flamethrower.
The headline "Man attacks wasps' nest with flamethrower, is badly stung and sets fire to tree" is far too casual for the original article. It's almost as if everyone has a spare flamethrower lying around, ready for use. Unless you're Leonardo DiCaprio's character in Once Upon A Time In Hollywood, you do not own a fucking flamethrower.
"Shut up Ethan, you don't know anything. Remember when Elon Musk sold flamethrowers? They're pretty common. You're such a dumb loser and that's why you still don't get paid and have to mow your parent's lawn every week to make a quick buck during this global pandemic. Fucking loser."
Well then. That was pretty mean and oddly specific. Still, even with the 20,000 or so flamethrowers that Elon Musk made, it feels like not a lot of people can say they own a proper flamethrower. Sure, any Joe Schmo could just grab an axe can and a lighter but I doubt there's someone dumb enough to try and take out a wasp nest like that. Right? That type of shit could probably fly in Brandon Walker country but not really anywhere else.
A man was left "significantly stung" and in need of firefighters' help after scorching a wasp nest with a flame thrower.
Fire crews were called out to a home in Shaftesbury last night (Tuesday), after the man tried to destroy a wasp nest using the blazing weapon.
Talk about a misery compiler. Not only did this man fail at his task of getting rid of the wasps, he somehow managed to make them even angrier. An all-time backfire. All the while you know his wife was watching the whole thing unfold shaking her head because he insisted he could "take care of it himself." Boy oh boy was he wrong.
There's just a certain complex in older humans where they think they're the ultimate fucking handymen. That they can solve any issue around the house. Often times, that is not the case. These are the same type of people who call younger generations "lazy" for being online all day. Like, relax, if they had technology more advanced than a box TV and a radio, they'd be in the same exact boat. Just swallow your so-called pride and call an exterminator. It's so simple.
Nope. Instead, this guy has to try and play hero ball. The flamethrower was an interesting choice, to say the least. I get the idea behind it, just burn them all alive. However, what he failed to realize, is that trees are also very flammable. Almost exclusively flammable. Smokey the Bear is rolling around in his grave at the thought of some asshole shooting a flamethrower near a tree.
The swarm of insects did not take kindly to the inferno, and attacked him with their stinging tails in retaliation.
Oh, ya think? Never would've guessed that the swarm of aggressive wasps wouldn't take kindly to being lit a flame. So not only has he effectively burned down his backyard but now he's got a gaggle of wasps stinger-fucking him. I get that hindsight is 20/20 but
Literally the worst possible situation came to fruition. Not only that but now he's gotta deal with getting trolled by the fire department twitter as well as some 20-year-old blogger living in the same room as his brother. Life comes at you pretty fast, huh?
Thankfully it appears that this guy is harmed other than the copious amount of wasp stings. Maybe that will teach him a thing or two about trying to do difficult tasks by himself. Just be a reasonable human and get someone else to do that crazy shit.
Also, someone should probably confiscate that flamethrower so he doesn't hurt anyone else.