This Sheep With Humongous Nuts Just Sold For A Record $490,000

When I first saw this tweet I thought what we all thought, this sheep has incredibly large nuts. His balls are making a statement that I won't soon forget. And that has to be why he just sold for nearly a half a million dollars, right? For those plums. So I got to reading:

KCRA - A sheep sold for a record 350,000 guineas — or around $490,000 in American dollars — at an auction in Scotland this week. A bidding war drove up the price until an agreement was reached for the sheep to be shared between three farms. "It's just like every other business — horse racing or the cattle business," Jeff Aiken, one of the winning bidders, told The Guardian. "Every once in a while something special comes along and yesterday an extra special Texel turned up. Everyone wanted a piece of it." The previous record for one sheep was 230,000 pounds — over $307,000 in U.S. money —for a sheep named Deveronvale Perfection in 2009.

So that told me a little bit...but not enough. The part that stuck out was "Every once in a while something special comes along and yesterday an extra special Texel turned up. Everyone wanted a piece of it.". 

I needed to know more. I could not rest until I learned why this one sheep is worth so much money. What is so special about his balls? Is this sheep basically the Secretariat of the sheep world? Does he have the nicest wool ever sheared that it would make your nana squirt with glee? So I read more:

Guardian - Double Diamond had all the looks a lamb needed: toned torso, perfect head and muted gold colouring. And he commanded a price to match, selling during a frenzied few minutes of bidding for a world record sum of 350,000 guineas (£367,500).

Heavily muscled, he was genetically perfect.

Texels are a highly sought-after breed that originated on the small island of Texel, off the coast of the Netherlands. They regularly sell for five-figure sums, but this battle became particularly intense, Aiken said.

“It was more nerve-racking than excitement,” Aiken said. “We knew it was going to be something really special. He was just an outstanding animal, backed up by all the best genetics. There was about seven or eight people who really, really wanted him and that’s what led to the price.”

Aiken and his two partners, who run farms in Ayrshire and Northumberland, will share ownership of Double Diamond. He will be put out to stud, paired off with dams for a premium price; as he gets older, his sperm will be collected to use for artificial insemination.

Well god damn. GENETICALLY PERFECT. They are calling this sheep genetically perfect. They're going to jerk this fella off by hand to get the sperm directly from the source. Dude is the king of the farm world. I feel like we're living in a historical moment right now. Never has there been a sheep on record more important than this one. "Baa Baa Blacksheep" just got replaced by Double Diamond. Dolly? Fuck outta here, Dolly and other Dolly too. There's a new HSIC, and his balls are huge. King shit only.