Olivia Munn Tells Whitney Cumming She Regrets Fake Moaning for Her Ex and Details How Bad He Was in Bed, Without Naming Names
I'm a big enough fan of both Olivia Munn and Whitney Cummings that I'm only too happy to watch them talk about art and negative spaces. Let them get to the bottom of Whitney's vagina, and I'm all in. Have Olivia go into details talking smack about one unnamed ex, how bad he was and how she had to fake enjoying it just to make him feel bad and I'm putting my phone on Airplane Mode until the conversation is over.
Feel free to watch the whole thing, but I've taken the liberty of getting this cued up to the 1:24:26 mark because I appreciate you and respect how valuable your time is:
Munn:
"I mean, there is a LOT of pretending. I've thought about this so many times. I swear to god I’m like I regret every time I have fake moaned because these guys are out there feeling so fucking confident. I have this one boyfriend, in particular, that was just the worst, the WORST at just having sex. In fact, he went down on me twice during the years we were together and I asked him once and said, 'Why don’t you ever go down? By the way, I don’t want you to. But I’m just wondering why because I feel like most guys I can’t get out of my vagina and I’m like you have to fake it all the time.'
"He said he’s like, 'Well, I just haven’t had a lot of you know experience doing it.' And I was like, 'Oh.' And that’s when I was also like, 'Um, he may like Benton [points at Whitney's podcast producer] instead,' you know? It might be his kind of game and stuff.
“But also it was like every every time we had sex, every time: Dark. Spooning from behind. Every time. It was a dark relationship. But also lights off, lights out. It was like, spooning from behind, so it’s like you don’t have to see my face, you have to see that it’s a girl.
“And I didn’t put all these pieces together until later. First of all, I got evidence about something, then I put the pieces together.
“I was like, 'Oh, that’s what all that… Ohhhhh.'
Huh. That is interesting. And a lesson I guess for all men who have a tendency to think they're great in the bedroom but they really might just be dating someone with Olivia Munn's acting chops. And who also think that just because you find yourself in a sexual relationship with a world class rocket like Munn, you're work is not done. It's not enough to grab that Golden Ticket, you've got to know how to hang onto it.
Obviously Olivia is too much of a lady to name names. And I don't think it's at all fair to speculate whom she's talking about who failed her so badly in a clutch situation. According to US Weekly, she's been linked romantically to "Guardian of the Galaxy"'s Chris Pratt and "Six Feet Under"'s Justin Theroux, and she has denied dating them both. US also claims she dated actor/singer Justin Timberlake for all of three days and "Star Trek"'s Chris Pine for five months and once went to a Flyers game with Matthew Morrison of "Glee." She confirmed to US that she dated Brad Richards of the NHL, but decided she liked him as a friend. Also Joel Kinnaman, a Swedish-American actor. Plus Tucker Roberts, president of the Philadelphia Fusion esports team. And for a while there she was very publicly dating Aaron Rodgers, who is a quarterback.
It could be any of those guys. Or none of them. It would be downright irresponsible to guess which, if any, she's talking about here.
All we can do is respect that whomever it is needs to figure out who he is and what he wants out of a relationship. Understand that we all have to try to meet the emotional and physical needs of our partners. And acknowledge what we all already knew. Olivia Munn deserves whatever she wants. I hope she finds the right man.