Kim Jong-Un Travels With Personal Toilets So Nobody Can Steal His Shit

Kim Jong-Un refuses to shit in public. Not because he's grossed out by public bathrooms, but because he's fearful people might try to steal his poop to try to get his health information.

Daily Mirror— Whether he's meeting Donald Trump in Singapore or watching a missile being fired into the Sea of Japan, Kim Jong-un doesn't leave home without his own personal toilet.

The North Korean dictator doesn't trust any other loo - and he is said to travel with several toilets, including ones built into an armoured Mercedes and special vehicles designed for travel over mountainous terrain or snow, while many of his citizens lack basic amenities at home.

It's not that he has public toilet anxiety - it's all part of his plan to protect his faeces from falling into the wrong hands.

Sources close to the Kim dynasty have told how it would be "unthinkable" for the hermit state's so-called supreme leader to use the loo alongside everyday North Koreans, and his stools cannot be left behind because they "contain information about his health status".

That totally makes sense. Who among us has not worried about leaving behind our feces to be stolen and used to steal our health information potentially leading to some sort of edge to bring down a dictatorship?

I suppose these are the things one has to worry about when leading a totalitarian regime. And I'd use a personal toilet too if that option was available to me. But I have a serious question: do the toilets in North Korea not flush?

How could someone do what Kim is so afraid of when you can presumably just ... flush it? What am I missing? Apparently something, because anyone who tries to use Kim's personal toilet probably won't make it very much longer.

Anyone caught using one of his personal toilets - which are managed by his bodyguards - could be sentenced to death, even a high-ranking confidante, it is claimed.

I'd hate to be the guy who really has to go and having that personal toilet be the only one in sight. That's a tough decision to have to make.

But neglecting the source of this idea for a second, a bevy of personal toilets is something every rich person should have. If any of my billion-dollar idea ever catch on, this is one of the first things I'm implementing. Obviously not for the same reason as this crazy fella, but just to have peace of mind forever.

Never worry about getting caught between bathrooms on road trips again.