The Octopus Is A Terrifying Creature Of The Deep Blue Sea That We Do Not Respect Nearly As Much As We Should

This is one of the many things which plague my brain at random hours throughout any and all days. Every few months or so an article from a credible source goes viral about proof of aliens being confirmed by high ranking government officials. What I'm here to remind you is that we do not need these people to confirm what lives and breathes among us each day: every single octopus is an alien. They are not of this world. They can't be. Most of the natural ecosystem makes sense to me outside of two species: humans and octopi. They are the outliers to this home we call Earth. Sharks, whales, the noble ape, honeybees, ants, those fish that have James Harden teeth and a flashlight on their heads like a coal miner, everything else makes sense and assume their position within the natural order except for humans and octopi. 

Just watch the video above if you already haven't. That's a light, beginners course into all the tricks and tools your standard, base model 'pus comes equipped with. The lady doing the voiceover says all of these this with such calming reassurance that I'm not entirely sure it wasn't voiced by an octopus. Because let me make one thing loud and clear, friends: we may not be at war with the mighty octopus today, but we will one day. They've been watching, studying, learning our every move. Like the video says, they have incredible memory. And if you noticed, they spoke about their short lifespans but kinda glossed over the fact that they die on their own terms, no one else's. They die when they reproduce, and they don't reproduce at a 1:1 clip. They're sacrificing two for a much larger pot. They're tripling down at record speed and no one sees this as alarming except for me? Every 1-2 years they're mating, the male dies the second he nuts which really feels like the way to go. Then the female slowly feeds herself to its eggs and perishes once they spawn. This cycle repeats so frequently there's no chance we have any estimation on how many of these suckers are out there. Especially when you consider in their built-in camouflage technology. There could be an octopus in your house right now, you'd have no idea. Could be on your ceiling, could be in your closet, could be right behind your computer screen. Hell, it could BE your computer screen. You'd never know until it wanted you to know, and by then it's too late. 

We cannot contain these beasts. They are the textbook definition of give them an inch, they take a mile. Their bodies are not bound by the laws of physics. They have no use for a skeleton. They are literally just brain and heart. Three hearts, to be precise. They lose a limb, that limb keeps on trucking for a little while because each is independent of itself. You hand an octopus eight different foods it will simultaneously smell and taste all eight sans hesitation. You try and jail these motherfuckers they're breaking out with this quickness. They're fine on land and in the sea. Again, there's no way you can convince me they are of the same Earth as you and I. Luckily for me, there are others out there keeping a watchful eye on the situation.

Classic Karen shitting on other people's hard work. "This shouldn't be taken seriously." YOU shouldn't be taken seriously. We've got some of our brightest minds trying to warn the masses of this alien invasion and you immediately knock it down as nonsense? Whose fucking side are you on? If you want to be on the side of the mighty octopus, I don't blame you but just say that. If the shit hit the fan today and they attacked I'd put my money on them. Mostly because of our ignorance, our hubris, and our willingness to prepare for such a battle. This isn't a humorous blog as much as it is a helpful PSA to any and all who come across it. The octopus is to be respected, feared, and hopefully, someday, treated as an equal. Because with that respect may come peace instead of the war I fear looms on the horizon. Besides, who do you think the giant squid would side with: us or them? These are the questions that keep me up at night. We may own the land - for now - but for a mostly water-based planet that means little in the grand scheme.