Drew Brees Says He's Trying To Cut Down On The Amount Of Times He Licks His Hands Due To Coronavirus, Which Pretty Much Means The Saints Are Completely Fucked

Training camps may just be ramping up around the NFL, but I think we can already claim the Saints season as the first covid victims of the 2020 season, right? The Pats may have lost a half dozen players in the blink of an eye yesterday but people continue to think all that was done because Bill Belichick is playing chess and declared an Order 66 on his own team.

However Drew Brees not licking his fingers is like you and I not blinking. Sure you CAN do it, but the entire time you are just thinking about how much you need to do it instead of handling everything else in your life, whether that's breathing in our case or figuring out where the blitz is coming from, who the MIKE is, what coverage the opposition is in, or just having a good grip on the ball before real life human monsters try to rip out of your hands in less than 3 seconds flat. 

Now Drew could just say fuck it and lick his hands. But if catches the rona from any one of the guys who have been tackling each other, he's out at least 2 games with the bug. Losing your QB1 is always bad enough for an NFL team but it's especially bad during a pandemic when you use on of your backup QBs as a Swiss army knife all around the field and your other backup QB does shit like this before games.

Which is why I am officially SELLING on all Saints players in fantasy football this year and shorting their win total everywhere I can (I don't know what that means but Portnoy is saying it a lot so I'm gonna roll with it).

P.S. If this Saints season ends essentially because their QB can't stop licking his hands during a global pandemic, it wouldn't even be the most heartbreaking way a season will end for the Saints recently considering their last 3 seasons ended with Stefon Diggs scoring a miraculous touchdown as time ran out, Nickell Robey-Coleman not being called for obvious pass interference, and losing a home playoff game as heavy favorites against Kirk Cousins. However, I won't mention that Drew Brees doesn't even lead New Orleans quarterbacks in rings or Super Bowl MVPs because that would just be mean.