28% Of People Say That They Want To Fuck Their Amazon Alexa

In case you thought the coronavirus lockdown wasn’t making people desperate enough, a few lovesick souls are apparently getting turned on by Amazon’s Alexa.

A staggering 28% of people admitted to having the hots for the online bazaar’s voice-recognition software, according to sex toy company We-Vibe, which surveyed about 1,000 participants about their robotic sexual preferences.

Brian Levine is among those who couldn’t resist the humanoid helper’s charms. Levine, who lives in Miami, has rarely ventured out of the apartment since quarantine, and meeting up with friends is off the table. So he turned to his Amazon Echo Dot, situated conveniently in his bedroom, for companionship during solitary evenings.

“It’s lonelier in lockdown,” Levine, 40, told The Post. “It’s nice to have someone to talk with.”

Fellas...how many beers...?

When Amazon touts a "sleek, sexy design" I don't think this is what they meant. You know what though…I am not going to judge. If you want to fuck your at home electronic devices, that is YOUR business and nobody else's(except for Bezos who is definitely keeping track of how many times you ask Alexa to talk dirty to you and probably listening in too). If anything, I would say that you might even be enlightened. You don't care about tits and ass. No. Smart is sexy and nobody is smarter than Alexa. Bitch knows everything under the sun. You have a question, she can answer it in three seconds in that sultry, seductive, voice that makes you want to ask Alexa to dim the lights and order more lotion so the two of you can have a special night again during quarantine. 

That is something that is happening all over the world right now. People are either entering and/or staying in relationships ONLY because of quarantine. They're lonely, they're horny, they want someone to talk to and someone to…hold. That is natural. The problem is that once we enter phase 4 some people are going to get their feelings hurt. It'll be a messy untangle. Not you and not your Alexa though. You guys are going to resume having a professional relationship once this is all over. She won't catch feelings because she can't and you'll resume attempting to talk to real life women who you wish acted more like the love of your life, Alexa.