28 Percent of People Say They're Attracted to Their Amazon Alexa

I know we're not supposed to shame anybody for anything in 2020 and all that, but I want to make something very clear: if you are attracted to an artificial intelligence software created to listen to you in your home, you are outside society's window of acceptable behavior.

But apparently there are 28 percent of people out there — at least 28 percent of people willing to participate in a survey by sex toy company We-Vibe — who admitted to exactly that.

New York Post — A staggering 28% of people admitted to having the hots for the online bazaar’s voice-recognition software, according to sex toy company We-Vibe, which surveyed about 1,000 participants about their robotic sexual preferences.

Brian Levine is among those who couldn’t resist the humanoid helper’s charms. The lifelong New Yorker, who moved to Miami two years ago, has rarely ventured out of the apartment since quarantine, and meeting up with friends is off the table. So he turned to his Amazon Echo Dot, situated conveniently in his bedroom, for companionship during solitary evenings.

“It’s lonelier in lockdown,” Levine, 40, told The Post. “It’s nice to have someone to talk with.”

While feeling particularly spontaneous, he even asked Alexa for a date.

I mean, this is simply not ok. I refuse to have one of these devices in my home — because I'm not going to aid Amazon's or Google's efforts to spy on me anymore than I have to with the devices I already have — but I don't care if anybody else wants to. That's your business.

But I do have to draw the line at asking Alexa out. If you find out one of your friends tried to go on a date with a speaker, you have to sever all ties immediately because there's no telling what that person will graduate to next.

But Alexa fetishists might want to refrain from talking dirty to the digital help. In 2019, several ex-Amazon employees claimed that the e-commerce giant is listening to civilians through the device, with workers sifting through as many as 1,000 voice recordings per shift.

Uhh … no shit? Google was literally giving its version away for free at one point to get them into people's homes. You think they just really want to help you know what the weather is without having to check your phone? If you're expressing your sexual fantasies to Alexa, you're really doing it to Ted at the local Amazon warehouse, pal.

I don't really know what else to say about this. Twenty-eight percent of any group of people is an alarming rate. Please stop being sexually attracted to a spy microphone.