Does This Look Like the Face of a Florida Teenager Who Enjoys Making Out With Highly Venomous Snakes?

WIMAUMA, Fla. – A Hillsborough County man is recovering after being bitten in the face by a water moccasin. Investigators say 18-year-old Austin Hatfield captured the 4-foot-long cottonmouth while swimming last week.  Friends say the teen was trying to kiss the snake when it struck, biting him on the lip. Hatfield was taken to the hospital in critical condition but is expected to make a full recovery. Cottonmouth snakes, sometimes called water moccasins, are extremely dangerous. Officials say Hatfield did not have a permit to keep the snake.

I’m not so sure if this first picture is of a kid who definitely kisses Cottonmouths. Like that could be a guy who likes deadly reptiles but doesn’t like-like deadly reptiles, ya know? Sure. Maybe he invited a cobra to prom. That doesn’t mean anything. They’re probably just going as friends and neither of them wanted to go alone or stay at home like losers. He seems like a snake friend zone kind of a guy. So I’m not totally sold that that’s the face of a guy who definitely makes out with snakes.

Now this guy:

Now this guy right here looooooves making out with snakes. Snake smooches for days. He looks like he’s ready to make the jump to over the scales hand jobs any minute now. Oh what’s that? It’s the same kid? My bad. Just the price you pay for living the bad boy Florida snake make-out lifestyle I guess. Sometimes internet bloggers can’t tell the difference between your normal sized head and your post make out head that looks like you just ate some Charlie and the Chocolate Factory chewing gum. At least everybody knows he’s getting a ton of snake pussy now though.