Man Dies After Having Sex With A Scarecrow That He Fitted With A Six Inch Strap-On Dildo

Metro- Perhaps it’s a good thing that scarecrows can’t talk. An Argentinian man died while having sex with a scarecrow which he had fitted with a six-inch strap-on penis, police believe. He had also painted a mouth onto it with lipstick, and given it a wig, before having sex. Police found the rotting corpse of Jose Alberto, 58, lying next to his ‘lover’. Rodolfo Moure, a spokesman for the prosecutor, said: ‘I initially thought there were two bodies but then I realised one was a scarecrow wearing lipstick and a long-haired wig. ‘It was lying next to the deceased and had a six-inch strap-on penis. ‘There were no signs of violence and we are working on the assumption that the man died during sex with the scarecrow ‘Straw had been stuffed inside the old clothes that had been sewn together to make the scarecrow. ‘We are now waiting the results of an autopsy.’ Alberto was described as a ‘loner’ by neighbours.

I’m posting this for one reason and one reason only: perspective.  Perspective on a Friday.  You might need this tomorrow morning or Sunday morning so keep it in mind.  We’ve all done some shit.  Some shit that makes our parents, friends and co-workers want to disown us and never speak to us again.  All of us have.  If you say you haven’t then you’re either a liar or you’ve never been drunk enough.  You wake up, think everything was a bad dream until you read the numerous, “Dude, what the fuck?  You were GONE last night” texts that pack the front screen of your iPhone. Hey, it happens.  Stand up, try not to fall over from the hangover and brush yourself off.  I like to think we can all relate to one another in this area and that’s our coping mechanism.  But let me tell you this, you’re doing just fine.  Because as long as you’ve never died while having sex with a scarecrow that you fitted with a 6 inch dildo strap-on, you’re the poster child for sanity.  Allllllll about perspective.  So don’t worry.  You’re great.