If You Stole A Penguin From The New England Aquarium Last Night...

Hit my line ASAP. We can negotiate the price once I see you've got the goods. I've always wanted a penguin. They're adorable. My house typically runs pretty cold so I feel like he'd be alright. If I need to install weekly ice sculptures in order for them to have a proper nesting ground, I've no qualms with that. And it would be fun to have to come up with new and exciting figures in which to sculpt. What an unveiling that would be every Sunday. "Hey pal, here's this week's life size Rasheed Wallace ice sculpture. I know what you're thinking and of course we can smoke out of it. You can say I splurged, you deserve it." 

Would the cost of keeping a room in my home the temperature of Antarctica bankrupt me? Almost immediately. But I'd have a penguin, and I feel like that's enough in today's world. Can you imagine the Tik Toks I could get off with a penguin pal? I'd have Young Pageviews out of a job! I'd be on Ellen getting a fish sponsorship by month's end no problem. Short term problems with long term solutions, that's how I view my new life with a penguin sidekick.