Unemployed 56 Year Old Man Has 40 Kids With 20 Women

Telegraph – A recovering alcoholic dubbed Britain’s most feckless father has boasted about having 40 children by 20 women. Unemployed former fairground operator Mike Holpin, of south Wales, has children aged between three and 37 but says he has so many he would not recognise all of them.  Despite this, the 56-year-old said: “Oh God yes, of course I do. I’m only 56. I’d never stop, I’d never stop. “In the Bible God says go forth and multiply – I’m doing what God wants. “I’m as fertile as sin, I don’t believe in contraception and I love sex. I’ve got 22 kids that carry my name and there’s about 18 – probably a few more – that don’t.”  Mr Holpin has been married three times and lives with his fiancee Diane and two of his children in Cwm, near Ebbw Vale. He told Channel 5 he once used one of his baby sons to attract new girlfriends. “Due to my drinking and my womanising, most of my kids have gone through the care system and it makes me feel like s*** because they’ve suffered.  “When this goes hard [points to his groin] this goes soft [points to his head] and that is the God’s honest truth. I could have more kids.” He said: “Its not that I am a babe magnet, I’ve got a hell of a sense of humour and I’ve got a personality.”

I’ll be honest, I saw this headline and my first thought was “How does this happen?” Honestly how the hell does this happen? 40 kids by 20 women. You’d figure you’d max out at like 10, right? Like Antonio Cromartie and his Army of Bastards is only 12 kids by 8 women. You figure when you hit double digits you eventually come to your senses and stop. So I couldnt comprehend how Mike Hoplin reaches 40 kids by 20 women.

And then I read his quote. I’m fertile as sin, I dont believe in contraception, and I love sex. Well bingo bango bongo, KFC. There’s your fuckin answer. Some Super Sperm, following the Bible’s word about multiplying, and a healthy passion for pussy. Thats how you sire 40 kids. When your dick goes hard and your brain goes soft you aren’t thinking about Numbers 41 or 42 or 43. You’re just thinking to yourself “Hey I’m an unemployed former fairground operator and I’m about to get another piece of pussy!” I cant really blame Mike Hoplin. Dude explained it all pretty well. If I could offer just one word of advice, it would be to adopt the Pull Out Method, but I’m not sure what the Bible says about that. Keep doing you, Big Fertile. Play on playa.