The Best And Worst Of April Fools 2015 In The Cubes. Just Kidding Its All "Worst"

Another April 1 in the books. Another April Fools gone by where some cube monkeys around the country undoubtedly thought about killing themselves, their coworkers, or both. We start with the classics today, and we’ll get into a couple of the new “pranks” that completely fucking suck.

First we start with the picture above, where it undoubtedly takes more time for a person to tape all your shit to the wall of your cube. Someone legit probably woke up early to get into the office to do this. Thats the most mind boggling part to me – people actually put time and effort into these things just to be like “I got you good you fucker!” Like how about the asshole who does the Post Its all over the office?

You know how fucking long that would take? God I absolutely hate anyone who thinks this is worth the amount of time it takes. Then you got the flipside with the tape over the mouse asshole:

Not only do you suck at being a normal person but youre also an unoriginal bastard. Which of course leads us to old faithful for these pricks, the Brown E’s

Now this is our first “prank” where murder/death/kill is an acceptable response. You dont fuck with people and free brownies. You know why? Look at the top corner of that pic with the fucking old lookin apples in the bowl. Thats the kinda shit people get at work. Old apples. Cube monkeys have so very very little. So flaunting a day off or a free lunch or a batch of free brownies is a Glimmer of Hope that these lemmings fucking need. When that gets pulled out from underneath them, its straight murder/suicide territory. Like “Oh haha its just a joke I guess I’ll eat this rotten apple now! Or maybe I’ll just start slitting throats!”

Only people worse than the rabble rousers are the people who don’t even know what a prank is:

Thats not a joke you goddam losers. Wearing black and white clothes isnt a joke. Or these chicks:

ROFL! Pretend fight! Fake Quit! I’ll tell you what, you got some BALLS to fake quit. You never know who’s gonna be like “Good Riddance you fucking IDIOT I’ve always hated you and I’ve been waiting for this day!” and then your career is fucked.

Shaking my damn head.

Hey dude I dont know why you think working in a kitchen excuses this behavior, but if you put a dead pig carcass in someone’s drawer you’re probably a serial killer and need to be locked up.

Boy did you get us good. On March 31st there WEREN’T wet floor signs but now on April 1st there IS. PRANKSTER.

What would have been really funny is if you put up a sign that said “I wish I died in 9/11 like Pete Davidson’s Dad instead of working here.” Then you would have been topical with the Bieber roast and extra points for honesty.

On to the two most popular pranks this year.

2) “Voice Activated” stuff at the office:

I gotta be honest, if a coworker ever got me with this prank, I’d have no choice but to quit. If you stand there talking to the printer or the coffee machine and everyone sees it, you need to get out the transfer papers. Change departments or quit altogether because there’s no living that down.

And the number 1 prank this year:

1) Saran wrapping cars

Far and away the most tweets I saw today were people plastic wrapping each other’s cars. If I get out of work after a long awful miserable April Fools Day and I think I’m Scot Free and heading home and realize I gotta unwrap my fucking car its straight up hit and run after that. I’m waiting for people to come out of the building and I’m mowing them down with my vehicle. Retaliating with the Craigslist posting is cute but I’m going for the vehicular homicide revenge.

Happy April Fools Day, you goddam assholes. These things were only funny on TV when Jim did them to Dwight. Everyone else is a dickhead.