Texas 5th Grader Has Been Expelled For Being A Pimp (Literally)

Houston, Texas – An 11-year-old elementary school 5th grader has been expelled for running “quite a business” during his school day hours. The young man comes from a family with many financial troubles. His parents, who were reportedly on welfare. With his family’s future in mind, the young boy managed to convince 8 of his female classmates to kiss and hug boys for money. The principal said, “He was running this business of exploiting his young female classmates for nearly 3 months before getting caught. We became suspicious that something was going on, when lunch attendance began to dwindle. We have had 27 boys and 5 girls come forward admitting they were paying this “wanna be pimp” $3 for a 10 second make out session and $2 for a 15 second hug which included unnecessary groping. The 8 female children he recruited, never got a red cent.” Authorities estimate that the young man made out with nearly $500 in three months, with many of the other children being “repeat customers.”

Elementary school is basically the streets, it’s a slightly supervised version of the hood. You’ve got your hustlers out there working deals and trading apples into Dunkaroos and Hi-Cs. You’ve got your streetballers out there earning respect via Red Rover. Your thugs working their way up from the gutter and stealing lunch money. But now we’re punishing kids for taking it a small step further and becoming pimps? That’s ridiculous. I remember a time when an entrepreneurial spirit was something that was revered in this country. As long as everyone on the playground is up to date on their circle, circle, dot, dot cooties shots then no one can get hurt. Johnny gets happy, Kimmy feels pretty and Tommy gets rich. Win-win-win. Let the kids live.