I Hereby Declare We Get Another MDW When We're Allowed Back Outside And At Beach Bars

This had to be said- this doesn't count as Memorial Day Weekend. MDW is supposed to be the happiest weekend of all. A time to get out of the city, away from the crowds, and go down to the beach with your family and/or friends and whoop it up, not a care in the world. Pack like sardines into Starboard, Rudder, North Beach, or wherever you may go (I'm partial to Dewey, the happiest place in the world, obviously).

Oh how nice it would be to stand dick to ass in at an outside bar again.

I haven't been in a few years and maybe I'm a little old now but nothing, and I mean nothing, would be better than a completely reckless Dewey trip right now. 

But my heart really goes out to the 22-25 year olds out there. You grinders who are living paycheck to paycheck and just wanted a long weekend to do anything you wanted like you did in your college days. That's what MDW is for. The fellas and the ladies getting back together and going ape shit. North Beach during the day, Bottle and Cork at night, meals optional. Suicide Sunday. Sending texts to people whose number you should have deleted years ago. Crossing this sidewalk:

It's a right of passage for the fresh out of college bunch, and a way for olds like us to try to relive our youths. I probably wouldn't be able to do Dewey anymore like the old days, but I love the idea of it. 

And let us remember the real victim here- Gaz. Figawi Gaz. The only 48 year old dancing on tables, spraying champagne everywhere on Nantucket. 

So, as the acting president of the United States, I hereby declare that will we have another MDW as soon as we are allowed. Don't care if it's in November, next February, or we do it back to back next May, we are not letting coronavirus cancel it this Summer. Motion passed, voting 100% to 0.