Man Schedules His Vasectomy To Coincide With March Madness So He Can Watch The Tournament On His Couch During Recovery
The Gazette- Wouldn’t it be great to get a doctor’s note to stay home this week and watch the NCAA men’s basketball tournament? Some Iowa men will be kicking back with the remote control and a bag of frozen peas after scheduling vasectomies to coincide with March Madness. “It seemed like a great combination because you’re supposed to be on the couch for a few days,” said Tony Brokens, 33, of Ankeny. The Monticello native and U.S. Postal Service operations specialist scheduled a vasectomy for Wednesday in Des Moines so he can recuperate while watching the Iowa State Cyclones play Thursday in the NCAA tournament. Brokens and his wife, Christy, decided earlier this year that four kids were enough. The Final Four, you might say. Brokens saw an advertisement for the Iowa Clinic in West Des Moines, which promotes vasectomies to coincide with the basketball tournament. The clinic started the ads about five years ago after seeing similar campaigns in other states, marketing manager Jessica Grant said. The University of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics doesn’t promote vasectomies and basketball, but one doctor thinks they go together like fouls and free throws. “The first round of the NCAA tournament represents that perfect three or four days that you need for recovery after a vasectomy,” said Dr. Brad Erickson, a UIHC urologist. “We don’t want them to be doing too much physical activity after surgery.” Vasectomies are a permanent means of birth control. Each year, between 300,000 and 500,000 American men get the procedure, which takes less than 30 minutes, Erickson said. “It was the most overblown medical procedure,” said Andy Fales, a Des Moines TV and radio personality who got a vasectomy live on KXNO’s Murph & Andy sports radio show last March.
Listen, we throw around the word “genius” a lot here at Barstool. It’s used as hyperbole. Genius this and genius that. Well this time I really mean it. We’ve found the smartest man in the world. Hands down. We don’t even need to have a vote to make him president, his actions already speak for themselves. Put him in the White House and watch him rebuild this country piece by piece. Ever needed an excuse to get out of work and you no longer wanted to keep putting babies in your significant other? Well here’s a way to kill two birds (or two balls) with one stone. Just get a vasectomy the Wednesday before the tournament starts and bang! You’re in business! The recovery takes 3-4 days and you can sit on your couch with an ice pack on your balls, beer in your hand and watch the first couple rounds of the tourney. Fantastic. I honestly thought this was an Onion article when it was first sent to me . It has all the markings of one. But nope, totally true. Hey, when you’re at the bar these next two or three days you and your buddies should raise a toast for Tony Brokens. The smartest mother fucker on planet earth.
Double PS- In case you’re wondering, he’s from Iowa. His genius isn’t all that surprising now.
PS- I Googled “vasectomy” while looking for a picture to go along with this blog. I would recommend not doing that. That’s my advice of the day.