The Fact That Girl Scouts Sell Different Types Of Thin Mints, Samoas, Etc. Based On Where You Live May Be The Dirtiest Move In The History Of Mankind
LA Times- When you bite into a Thin Mint, you probably aren’t wondering where it comes from. (The Girl Scouts, of course.) But wait, there are two bakers. And they make two very different Thin Mints: One is crunchier, more minty. The other is richer with a smooth chocolate coating.
Where you buy determines which ones you get. Orange County gets the crunchier Thin Mints, while Los Angeles gets the smoother ones; Dallas gets Samoas, but Fort Worth gets Caramel deLites. Most of Florida eats Tagalongs, but Orlando gets Peanut Butter Patties.
I always had a sneaking suspicion that the Girl Scouts was an evil organization run to destroy America, but this is hammers that point home. How do the executives at the Girl Scouts headquarters sleep at night with this injustice? Admittedly I have never been a diehard Thin Mints fan, but the shit they sell in places like Boston, Philly, and Orlando look like doggie treats. Nothing is ever worse with a chocolate coating. That’s just a fact.
And don’t even get me started on Caramel deLites and Peanut Butter Patties. Both are embarrassments to the cookie game. Less caramel, less coconut, and less peanut butter? Sounds like something communists would try to push in China. Little Brownie Bakers are like Willie Wonka, redefining the dessert game one treat at a time. Meanwhile ABC Bakers are like that asshole Slugworth, just trying to bite the style of Little Brownie Bakers.
Fuck ABC Bakers and everything they represent. And if you are down with ABC Bakers and the cookies they make, fuck you too. #TeamLittleBrownieBakers and #TeamSamoas for life*.
*All said in 2Pac’s Hit’em Up voice
Sorry I blacked out there for a minute. Anyway, for all you sad souls that have never experienced the best Girl Scout cookies, I suggest you get in your car and drive to the nearest purple section of the map above. You are welcome in advance.