Breaking Down The Cast of Netflix's ''Too Hot To Handle''

(Spoiler alert - this is a trash blog. And hand up. Yes I watched this rubbish. It was the epitome of trash television but you know what? Sometimes trash tv and smut is exactly what we need to take our mind off things, and that is exactly what this show does.)

If you haven't seen this show yet, and you've watched absolutely every other single thing on Netflix already, then I recommend giving it a whirl. If you're quarantined with your significant other than even more-so. It's a quick 10 episode reality show featuring a bunch of beautiful people with no brains transported to a tropical paradise. It sounds like the premise of every other reality show. The catch is the contestants are all self-admitted sex-addicts, sluts, man-whores, etc. and they are forbidden from hooking up while there. There are hidden cameras everywhere (even the bathrooms) and if they are caught their $100,000 prize pot is reduced.

-$3000 for kissing

-$9,000 for oral

-$20,000 for sex

*** SPOILER ALERT ***

If you plan to watch this show and don't want the suspense ruined for you (it's really not suspenseful) then either stop reading here and come back later, or just scroll and look at the pictures.

The Ladies -

7- Madison Wyborny (Los Angeles, California) @madisonwyborny

This girl brings absolutely nothing to the table. The only conclusion I can make as to how she wound up on the show is she must have talked a tall game to producers. She must have been throwing around wild sex stories, claiming she was down for anything, free-spirited, exhibitionist, the whole kitchen sink of sexual deviance. Then when the camera's rolled it was an instance of the emperor having no clothes. She sucked and I'm not going to waste the bandwidth posting a zillion pics of her. You have her Instagram handle if you want to investigate yourself.

6 - Lydia Clyma (London, England) @lydiaclyma

This girl came in like a bat out of hell. She shows up out of nowhere and immediately starts dropping hints that she doesn't discriminate when it comes to sexual partners and likes to spread the wealth. She's got nice eyes and is thick. One of the cooler guys on the show, David, becomes fixated on her.

5 - Haley Cureton (North Florida University) @haley.cure

Ever dated a girl or talked to one with a friend(s) that just sucks the life out of everything? She's absolutely miserable herself, usually because she wants a boyfriend more than anybody and doesn't have one, so she can't stand to see anybody else happy- most of all her friend. So she goes out of her way to make everyone else miserable and does everything in her power to submarine your chances. Not talking a regular joe cock block here. We're talking the Anthony Munoz of cock blockers.

She doesn't wanna only see you blue-balled just tonight so she and her BFF (your girl) can leave together and get Taco Bell on the way home and talk about herself all night. No, she wants to blow up your entire gameplan. Pancake your ass then get to the second level and disrupt that as well.

Get the point? Every guy has fell victim to one or more of those girls. They suckkkkkkkk. They're also the first person to drop your girlfriend like a bad habit the MILLISECOND they pull a guy of their own into their web and have somebody else they can shift their codependency issues onto and suck the life out of.

But I digress.

That is this girl.

From the instant she stepped foot onto the resort and realized she was lowest on the totem pole and none of the guys were interested in her she made it her goal to be that bitch.

She latches onto the hottest girl on the show and goes out of her way to keep her to herself by shit-talking the guys, and even taking advantage of her during a drunken emotional moment (not mad at it). It makes for a pretty decent girl-on-girl make out session.

It also goes without saying she isn't the brightest.

Here's more of Haley- 

4- Nicole O'Brien (Cork, Ireland) @nicole.ob

This girl would have been #5 had Haley's personality not been so brutal. Nice enough girl. Doesn't bring anything to the show though.

3- Rhonda Paul (Atlanta, Georgia) @imrhondapaul

Great bum. Chill as hell too. Zero drama. Right off the bat she tells everybody what a freak she is and isn't shy about how much she loves sex. But she doesn't slut it up too much with the guys. And she definitely doesn't dress like a nun. 

2- Chloe Veitch (Essex, England) @chloeveitchofficial

Great girl. If it weren't for the girl after this she'd be in the pole position. Her accent is thick at, and kind of annoying at first but it grows on you. She's got tons of crazy British terms (geezer and banter both play btw) and she's obviously a very cute girl. Boob job isn't the greatest but I think that comes with the terms in Britain. She gets kind of fucked over which makes you hate the villain even more, and feel bad for the guy she fucks over even more, but so is life.

Here's more of Chloe.

1- Francesca Farago (Vancouver, British Columbia) @francescafarago

The bad girl. A very poor man's Kim Kardashian. This girl wants to be her so bad it hurts. She's definitely not Mensa material but you can catch her trying to pretend she's even dumber than she actually is a few times on the show. Very slick. She's very easy on the eyes and basically walks around the resort naked the entire time on the show. She also is involved in the group losing close to $40,000 dollars in penalties for sexual acts. Everybody gets pissed off, rightfully so, to which she blows off by bragging about how much she makes as an Instagram influencer and how many followers she has. So yah, another dog shit personality, but the pics aren't bad.

Oh and she's got a NSWF COLLECTION FOR RESEARCH PURPOSES ONLY.

The Fellas -

7- Kori Sampson (London, England) 

This guy's the worst. Absolute worst. 

6- Kelz (London, England)

This guy starts out making you want to hate him but he grows on you as the show goes on. He's the only one who actually wants to leave with the money in tact and gets pissed when people hook up and lose money for the team. He almost slams Francesca in the shower but somehow controls himself. And seems like a decent guy at the end of the show once he drops his tough guy act. Plus he plays American Football in England.

5- David (London, England)  

Cool guy. Cries to one of the girls on camera at one point and almost steals his friends girl but comes to his senses. Winds up being a decent guy and is kind of funny.

4- Sharron (America)

This guys also pretty cool. (His Instagram profile pic is not but he is). Nice guy who seems kind of out of place on the show as it goes on. Has morals and loyalty. Pretty funny also.

3- Harry (New Zealand)

Went back and forth a few times on this guy. Throws his chick directly under the bus like a pussy at the beginning but it only makes her want him more so respect. Pretty upbeat and positive personality. Always down for a good time. Reminded me a ton of Sammy Adams personality and mannerism wise. Screws the group out of a ton of money hooking up with Francesca all show but he wins their approval back. I guess him and Francesca are still together too. 

2- Matt (Boulder, Colorado)

This guy was cool as fuck. Bit of a weirdo? Absolutely. They called him Jesus because he had long hair and a beard and was the most down-to-Earth and level headed one out of the group. He also hated losing money, seemed to be friends with everybody else, and was always laughing and kidding around. Wouldn't mind having some beers and lighting one with this guy.

1- Bryce (Los Angeles, California) 

They brought this guy in late to shake things up and he was immediately Mr. Try Too Hard. Seemed like a d-bag but that act wore off quickly and he ended up being a cool guy despite living on a boat in LA. (Not sure how's that possible?). Seemed like everybody male and female genuinely liked him and he wasn't a complete moron. Didn't give a shit about social media and just wanted to win money once he found out Chloe was into the Wario Patrick Holmes.

So concludes my ranking of the Too Hot To Handle Season 1 contestants. I hope you enjoyed. Remember, I watched this show for you all. That's called being a team player.

If you're also at the end of your rope TV show wise and looking for stuff I can't agree more with Robbie and what seems to be 99.9% of Stoolies. Dave is the best show I can remember coming across in years. Checks all the boxes. 

Another great show on Hulu is Little Fires Everywhere (not joking) starring Reese Witherspoon, Kerry Washington, and Charlie Conway from the Mighty Ducks. Real good storyline, writing, and acting. 

And obviously Outer Banks fucks. Great in a throwback sense to Dawson's Creek, The O.C. type shows.