Woman Bought a Batch Of Bananas Infested With The World's Deadliest Spider Whose Bite Can Not Only Kill You, But Also Cause 4 Hour Erections

Daily Mail - A mother has revealed the horrifying moment she discovered her bananas were infested with deadly Brazilian spiders hatching from eggs. Maria Layton, 43, was giving her six-year-old daughter a banana when she saw a Brazilian wandering spider cocoon on the fruit, which her husband had earlier bought from Tesco. The spiders – whose Greek name means ‘murderess’ – are aggressive and have the most toxic venom in the world, with their bite causing serious injury and even death, as well as painful four-hour erections. The spider’s nest – which could have contained hundreds of arachnids – may have been exported with the bananas, which were shipped to the supermarket from Costa Rica.  Brazilian wandering spider are mainly active during the night, and walk across the jungle floor. But during the day they hide inside banana plants hence the nickname ‘banana spider’. As well as the spiders’ bite being dangerously venomous, it can also give men painful four-hour erections. 

The article way, way, wayyyy undersold how fucking awful this is. This is maybe the most horrifying story I’ve ever read. First of all, if this happened to me I’d never be able to eat a banana, or probably any food, ever again. I don’t know how I’d do it without nightmares of dick breaking spiders popping out and killing me from the inside. At the very least this woman who bought the bananas has to burn down her house ASAP. She brought the world’s deadliest spider into her house. You know when you’re trying to sleep at night and you hear a sound and you wonder if it’s a ghost or a mosquito or one of the bodies in your basement trying to escape? Well now imagine that feeling but after you  brought the deadliest animal in the world into your house. You’d average 0.0 hours of sleep per night. This woman needs to pack up and just move to another country. Start a new life. There’s no other option.

PS: If the spider bites a man, you get a 4 hour erection. But then do you also die? It’s kind of cool if you’re a man and one bites you, a woman has to fuck you right then and there. What’s she going to do, let you die with a massive boner without hooking you up on your way out the door? She’d never be able to live with herself. So I guess these spiders aren’t all that bad.

h/t Rick