Tina Fey Wrote How The Characters of 30 Rock Would Handle Coronavirus And It Is PERFECT
(Vulture) --
Tracy has already contracted and survived the virus (“My snakes eat bats and then I use my snakes to practice French kissing, so it was inevitable, Liz Lemon!”), so he would declare himself an immune “green person” and set out to help. (Tracy: “Like Mister Rogers said, ‘Look like the helpers.’”) So, dressed as a firefighter, he would volunteer his time delivering illegal box jellyfish to the elderly.
Jack would try to get Liz to go to the secret GE island off the coast of Connecticut: “It will just be the top executives, any wives under 40, and yes, Lauer will be there, but only because it was built into his deal years ago.” Liz refuses to go because of her desire to be egalitarian but also because everyone would probably be barefoot. Pass. She would shelter in place like nobody’s business and still somehow dodge sex with James Marsden.
Kenneth would be the most prepared, having grown up Eighth Day Resurrected Covenant of the Holy Trinity and observing its End of Days Countdown Calendar, which is different from most calendars. “For example, we’ve only had Christmas twice, but Easter is every four hours.” Jack would offer to buy Kenneth’s cupboard of canned chickpeas for a million dollars, but Kenneth would just give him two cans for free. “Hoarding is a sin, sir! Just like skateboarding or riding a horse you’re not related to!” —Tina Fey and Sam Means
First of all, go read that full article. It's amazing. The writer reached out to a ton of showrunners and got either a script or an outline on how corona would go on all your favorite shows. 30 Rock, Veep, Parks and Rec, Friday Night Lights, Frasier, Curb, Riverdale, everything. It's really, really great.
But my favorite was easily Tina Fey and Sam Means explaining what would be happening on 30 Rock. It is FLAWLESS. So flawless, in fact, that it's actually depressing. I've long said that 30 Rock is one of the most underrated shows in the history of television (I say this about many shows) and this makes me want it back in the worst way. Tina Fey still has a stranglehold of a grasp on the characters. I mean this is a quick three paragraphs and this "episode" has four laugh out loud moments in it. Tracy kissing using his snakes, who eat bats, to practice French kissing? "All wives under 40" and "yes, Lauer will be there"? "It's a sin... like riding a horse you're not related to"? It's all SOLID GOLD.
It's actually so good that I almost don't love Tina Fey as much as I used to. Like she couldn't have worked that hard on this, right? She probably got an email from a writer, put in a bit of effort, and still churned out gold. If it's this easy for her then I don't know if I'm more impressed or less impressed with the show as a whole.
Either way, time to go re-start 30 Rock so see ya.