Not To Brag Or Anything But I Would Destroy These Benders Playing Hockey In 1898
Not a brag, just a straight up fact. And the fact here is that these guys SUCKED. Like holy hell, bud, try to mix in a clue out there. These pylons could hardly even stay on their feet out there, let alone even think about pulling off one singular toe drag. And with the modern medicine of their time, I feel like a broken bone was pretty much a death sentence since they'd end up getting an infection from that broken bone and die a month later. So the amount of broken ankles out there from guys who can barely skate? Yikes.
And the thing is that I'm not even trying to say I'm any good at hockey. I played in high school in the greater Philadelphia area and then made my way up to playing B division beer league. That's pretty much the equivalent to someone putting a roll of Toll House cookie dough in the oven and then calling themselves a baker. But even still, there's not a doubt in my mind that I would take these pigeons to church out there. What I would do for time travel right now. I'd beam myself to 1898 and just McDavid the shit out of these grocery sticks. And then I'd leave behind just one Easton Z-Bubble and let them all fight each other to the death over it. As a treat.