Quarantine Sucks, But You Don't Have To: A Few Tips for Coming Out Of Isolation A Better You

There are two types of people that exist in this world. Well, maybe three. People with self-control (robots), people who have very little, and dead people.

I am in category 2. 

When I go out into the world, I have the best intentions for making good, healthy decisions. And then, after a few hours of working in the office, will mosey my way over to the snack area, thinking I'll just grab a piece of fruit and then it's like "ooh shit we got Milano cookies up in here?" And I'll have a single serving. Maybe when I walk by Ebony's desk, I'll grab a Dove chocolate square (or two) and then, once I fully grasp that today is a bad eating day, I'll probably just eat like twenty of them until my stomach hurts and I hate myself.  

My second most vulnerable fat trap is the "busy weekend or rushed morning," or at least what those would be like if we weren't in a global pandemic. It's finally nice out, people are brunching, there are errands to run. So many good NFL games on. No meal prep for the week. Fast forward to Monday afternoon, and I'm famished. Now, I have to head out into the wild, looking for food, ready to eat anything. I go to Whole Foods but the checkout line is 30 minutes long (who are all these people?), so I head to a cafe and grab whatever sorta healthy-looking salad I can find (or chick-fil-a) and a warm chocolate chip cookie. The week goes downhill from there. 

The third, and possibly the most deadly fat trap I fall victim to is the impromptu "dinner invite".  Even though I meal prep for the week, weighing out every item like Christian Bale from American Psycho, inevitably, just when I'm doing well and feeling emotionally strong, someone I haven't seen in forever will text me and say "hey, in town for the night, want to grab dinner?" FUCK. How do I tell them I do want to see them, but, I have no self-control, so going to a restaurant is really not something I can handle at the moment? Just the thought of going out to eat is giving me anxiety. My heart is racing. I type, then delete, then type then delete. In the end, because I don't want to seem like a fucking weirdo, I bitch out. I respond with "hell yeah, I'm in." Then, as we're chatting and catching up over dinner, I eat lots and lots of free Italian bread (yum yum), and most likely follow that up with some carb-loaded entree like Cacio e Pepe (maybe even Tiramisu for dessert) and eat to the point of pregnant belly pain. At the end of the night, as I'm wincing in the fetal position, up way later than I initially anticipated, I ask myself, "why the fuck do you do that?" and vow to never do it again. Until another random person comes to visit. 

The cycle is endless. Until the past couple of weeks.

You want to know the only good part about all of my common fat traps? COVID-19 killed them all. There are no friends to hang out with to take me off track. All of my food is right there in my refrigerator, ready to be eaten. There are no temptations unless I allow them in my pantry (which I don't). I've got plenty of time to cook, workout, stretch, drink a gallon of water, etc. etc. 

So if you're like me, and you have ZERO self-control, easily swayed by peer pressure and temptation, this is the perfect opportunity to actually follow through with your "lose 15 lbs" resolution you hastily made on December 31st. Take care of yourself, get emotionally strong, and come back from this quarantine transformed from UCLA Kevin Love to Cleveland Cavalier K Love. Who knows? Post-C You may even have a shot with one of those smokeshows you read about.