Ole Miss Sends Email Blast Reminding Alums That It's A Good Time To Add Ole Miss To Your Will Because You'll Probably Die From Coronavirus
I'm not trying to rip off a super-hot take-quake right now or do one of those "...you have to respect it" blogs. I'm just honestly saying that the only problem I have with this brazenly ridiculous and tone-deaf email is that it's not strong enough or clear enough about how brazenly ridiculous it is. It doesn't stick to its message with confidence and conviction. These brands — yes, listen up brands/schools/companies whatever you are, I am talking to you — if you want to profit or capitalize or just straight up use and fucking abuse me, just tell me to my face. Be a man Brand. Don't use flowery language and tiptoe and pussyfoot and just kind of faintly hint at something. Fucking tell me "Keith, listen buddy there's a good chance you'll be fine at your age, but you do have kind of a weakened immune system and always get sick and your neighbor is confirmed infected, so let's just be honest it is certainly possible you will die. Maybe even greater than 50/50 odds and maybe even soon. Can you add us to your will before that happens? Like before you are dead from the virus you will most definitely maybe get? You can't use that money when you're dead, and we would like to have it. We could use it and we want it. Your money. It's all we've ever wanted. We do not, have not ever, and will not ever at any time give one single fuck about you as a person. All we have ever wanted is your money and that has never been more true than right now. If you want, up to you. Cheers, -Ole Miss"
Just like that. Tell me straight up. Tell me you are shamelessly profiting off human trauma. You think I fucking care? The only thing I care about is being lied to. Hate liars. You think I don't fucking know you're a company who needs to make money? You have a product to sell and Coronavirus makes it appealing to buy right now. Shove that down my fucking throat however you want to. If I want the product I'll eat it, if not I'll just move it to Trash and go on with my day waiting for the next company to try and pillage my body while it's still breathing.
More pragmatism less emotion. If you think we'd be fine just letting all the old people go with God because like what do they really contribute anyway, which I don't think obviously I'd never say that myself this is purely hypothetical, but if you do think that about old people just say it! Shout it from the rooftops! Email blast me an investment pitch for your coffin company! Own it.