How To Survive Quarantine With Kids: Put Them Through An NFL Draft Combine Workout!
Vinny Grasso, you beautiful son of a bitch! All of us parents had grand plans for the quarantine. Keep the kids on a schedule, get some schoolwork done, limit screen time as much as possible, and enjoy all our extra time with our little ones. But somewhere around 48 hours after schools closed, shit inevitably hit the fan in millions of houses as kids started climbing all over us as we tried to work and unleashed pure chaos. Psychological warfare. Kids are asking nonstop questions, run wild the instant they see a sliver of daylight, and occasionally taking a tumble that requires a Boo Boo Buddy before the TV inevitably is forced to watch them for us.
However, now we have the perfect entertaining yet educational activity to keep our kids and our own overworked minds busy while also tiring those fuckers out. We can teach them how to measure using inches, the concept of timing speed, and how they will never be an NFL quarterback unless their stupid little kid hands grow to 10+ inches.
I usually pick my favorite kid based on who is pissing me off the least at that given moment. But today, I am choosing my favorite based simply on who is the best pro prospect. Siena is clearly the longer of the two and will crush the interview portion since AJ can barely string together a sentence. But AJ may already be stronger than her despite being 3.5 years younger, so teams needing a Hog Molly will likely have him higher on their Big Boards. Kiper may not care for the lad and to be quite honest neither do I. But McShay strikes me as someone who can find the positives in AJ since he was able to spinzone KFC's three cone drill by saying the best ability is availability.
I don't think a drug test is necessary for my kids but it would be kinda funny to put them through one regardless. Now I just need to find a Sesame Street Wonderlic test and we can bang out a Kids de Clem Draft Combine after naptime.
*Rereads last sentence*
What the fuck has happened to my life?
h/t Sarah