Letters: Ranked (Alphabetically)
Here comes the controversy. Keep in mind, this list is strictly my opinion, yet still, I hear the squabbles now: “J ranked too low!”, “Where’s the love for big R?”, “Y are you doing this?”, and “I am not reading this.” Well, I refuse to apologize for sharing my beliefs on this matter, and if your list differs, let’s discuss it like civil adults, I want no quarrel.
1. A
(Last years rank: 1)
The dynasty continued. A’s dominance is up there with the greats. After an absolutely outstanding year of first place finishes in roll calls, glossaries, and indexes alike, A was a lock for this year's top spot.
A Fact: Also the top ranked vowel (list coming soon)
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2. B
(Last years rank: 2)
Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. Team consonant makes their first appearance on the list, but, with some silent performances in “subtle” “debt” and “doubt”, B failed to take this year's top spot.
B-Word Examples: bacon, Brandon, blood-pressure
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3. C
(Last years rank: 3)
A model of consistency, C remains in third for the 2,740th year in a row. Many thought C would slip off the podium this year, but C showed it’s toughness by appearing in the copyright icon, to the bane of many bird bloggers and binge beer drinker t-shirt designers. Coincidentally, C is also the first word of Cease and Desist.
C Fact: A 2020 study revealed that C-Cups are the most desirable breast size amongst men and women
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4. D
(Last years rank: 4)
Many were predicting a top 3 finish for D, me included, but a plagiarism scandal between lowercase D and lowercase B made for a small tumble down the rankings.
D Fact: A 2020 study revealed that D-Cups are the most desirable breast size amongst much cooler men and women
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5. E
(Last years rank: 5)
The last of the bluebloods. A strong collection of 90° angels, E is always the right choice to round out the top 5.
E Fact: The only letter a dolphin can say
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6. F
(Last years rank: 6)
The impatient man's E, F still finishes strong, falling just outside of the top 5.
F Fact: Most common letter on collegiate wrestlers report cards
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7. G
(Last years rank: 7)
G. What a letter.
G-Word Examples: grundle, gooch
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8. H
(Last years rank: 8)
This low of a ranking is going to catch me some flack from chemists, but H is still firmly in the top 10.
H Fact: The original shape of NFL uprights, until Y outbid them in 1967.
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9. I
(Last years rank: 9)
To some this is the most selfish of letters. After it’s infamous snub from the word “team”, I bounced back with a top ten finish they can be proud of.
I-Word Examples: isotoner, innocent
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10. J
(Last years rank: 10)
The ol' fishhook rounding out the top ten. Whether it's striped peppermint Christmas treats, handles of umbrellas, or morbidly bent scrotums of blogger/ fake podcast hosts, J keeps reminders everywhere.
J Fact: The term "rolling a j" is nonsensical, as marijuana cigarettes are shaped like I's or even lowercase L's, not J's.
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11. K
(Last years rank: 11)
Falling just out of the top 10, K needs to strike some luck to climb the rankings.
K Fact: Most common text message I receive
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12. L
(Last years rank: 12)
The sectional couch of the alphabet again placing in the top 26.
L Fact: Not a single L appears in the entire novel Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azakaban
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13. M
(Last years rank: 13)
M Fact: My podcast cohost, KB, catchphrase/nervous tick consists of ONLY the letter m.
"Mmmmmm"-KB
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14. N
(Last years rank: 14)
A middle of the pack finish for an average letter. Failing to stand out, and often just lumped in with the group of “LMNOP”
N-Word Examples:
N Fact: Ironically, N is also the fourteenth lyric in the song “The Alphabet”
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15. O
(Last years rank: 15)
Welcome to the O-Zone. Sharing the same shape as many a beloved cereal, canned spaghetti products, and blow up doll mouths, O always has potential to be a top 10 finisher. Unfortunately it’s pathetic excuse for a lowercase makes O take the hit for creativity.
O Fact: 1,233 O's appear in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azakaban
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16. P
(Last years rank: 16)
P is cool. Not great, not bad.
P Fact: People who used ":P" emoticon over any other, are 90% more likely to have served time in a county jail
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17. Q
(Last years rank: 17)
The “Keyboard King” may be first on your desktop and heart, but it’s lack of use made for a tumble down this year's rankings.
Q-Word Examples: ???
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18. R
(Last years rank: 18)
A P with a crutch. Nothing more, nothing less.
R Fact: R as in the first letter in RevTown Jeans, affordable, fashionable jeans using premium athletic cotton (NASA Level Shit)
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19. S
(Last years rank: 19)
This placement may anger some S loyalists, but pease remember, this list is purely opinion and also alphabetized.
S Fact: Most common starting AND ending letter of words
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20. T
(Last years rank: 20)
The most perpendicular of the bunch.
T Fact: Due to, what I can only assume, my droopy eyelids and my last name starting with the letter, most people call me "Low T"
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21. U
(Last years rank: 21)
The famous "Halfpipe of the Alphabet", this clipped toenail brings up the tail end of letters.
U Fact: Kelly Clarkson's "Since U Been Gone" never reached number one, losing out to "Candy Shop" by 50 Cent
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22. V
(Last years rank: 22)
Just a pointy U
V Fact: Looks like vampire tooth
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23. W
(Last years rank: 23)
Just 2 pointy U's.
W Fact: Looks like vampire teeth
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24. X
(Last years rank: 24)
Points for appearing 3 times on generic jugs of clip art alcohol, and Vin Diesel action films, but loses points for being on the hands of nerds who don’t drink.
X Fact: She left me for good reason, and is now much better off. I'm happy for her and want her to succeed, and it would be a lie if I said I didn't think about her daily.
25.Y
(Last years rank: 25)
This noncommittal vowel is permanently in the midst of an identity crisis. It’s greed is reflected in this year's rankings.
Y Fact: The mayor of the city I live in LOVES it.
26. Z
(Last years rank: 26)
Oh how the mighty have fallen. Once proudly sitting as the seventh letter, poor Zed flew too close to the sun.
Z Fact: Only 2% of adults can write it's lowercase cursive form from memory.