Letters: Ranked (Alphabetically)

Here comes the controversy. Keep in mind, this list is strictly my opinion, yet still, I hear the squabbles now: “J ranked too low!”, “Where’s the love for big R?”, “Y are you doing this?”, and “I am not reading this.” Well, I refuse to apologize for sharing my beliefs on this matter, and if your list differs, let’s discuss it like civil adults, I want no quarrel.


1. A

(Last years rank: 1)

The dynasty continued. A’s dominance is up there with the greats. After an absolutely outstanding year of first place finishes in roll calls, glossaries, and indexes alike, A was a lock for this year's top spot.

A Fact: Also the top ranked vowel (list coming soon)

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2. B

(Last years rank: 2)

Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. Team consonant makes their first appearance on the list, but, with some silent performances in “subtle” “debt” and “doubt”, B failed to take this year's top spot.

B-Word Examples: bacon, Brandon, blood-pressure

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3. C

(Last years rank: 3)

A model of consistency, C remains in third for the 2,740th year in a row. Many thought C would slip off the podium this year, but C showed it’s toughness by appearing in the copyright icon, to the bane of many bird bloggers and binge beer drinker t-shirt designers. Coincidentally, C is also the first word of Cease and Desist.

C Fact: A 2020 study revealed that C-Cups are the most desirable breast size amongst men and women

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4. D

(Last years rank: 4)

Many were predicting a top 3 finish for D, me included, but a plagiarism scandal between lowercase D and lowercase B made for a small tumble down the rankings.

D Fact: A 2020 study revealed that D-Cups are the most desirable breast size amongst much cooler men and women

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5. E

(Last years rank: 5)

The last of the bluebloods. A strong collection of 90° angels, E is always the right choice to round out the top 5.

E Fact: The only letter a dolphin can say

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6. F

(Last years rank: 6)

The impatient man's E, F still finishes strong, falling just outside of the top 5.

F Fact: Most common letter on collegiate wrestlers report cards

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7. G

(Last years rank: 7)

G. What a letter.

G-Word Examples: grundle, gooch

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8. H

(Last years rank: 8)

This low of a ranking is going to catch me some flack from chemists, but H is still firmly in the top 10.

H Fact: The original shape of NFL uprights, until Y outbid them in 1967.

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9. I

(Last years rank: 9)

To some this is the most selfish of letters. After it’s infamous snub from the word “team”, I bounced back with a top ten finish they can be proud of.

I-Word Examples: isotoner, innocent

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10. J

(Last years rank: 10)
The ol' fishhook rounding out the top ten. Whether it's striped peppermint Christmas treats, handles of umbrellas, or morbidly bent scrotums of blogger/ fake podcast hosts, J keeps reminders everywhere.

J Fact: The term "rolling a j" is nonsensical, as marijuana cigarettes are shaped like I's or even lowercase L's, not J's. 

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11. K

(Last years rank: 11)

Falling just out of the top 10, K needs to strike some luck to climb the rankings.

K Fact: Most common text message I receive

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12. L

(Last years rank: 12)
The sectional couch of the alphabet again placing in the top 26.

L Fact: Not a single L appears in the entire novel Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azakaban

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13. M

(Last years rank: 13)

M Fact: My podcast cohost, KB, catchphrase/nervous tick consists of ONLY the letter m.
"Mmmmmm"-KB

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14. N

(Last years rank: 14)

A middle of the pack finish for an average letter. Failing to stand out, and often just lumped in with the group of “LMNOP”

N-Word Examples:

N Fact: Ironically, N is also the fourteenth lyric in the song “The Alphabet”

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15. O

(Last years rank: 15)

Welcome to the O-Zone. Sharing the same shape as many a beloved cereal, canned spaghetti products, and blow up doll mouths, O always has potential to be a top 10 finisher. Unfortunately it’s pathetic excuse for a lowercase makes O take the hit for creativity.

O Fact: 1,233 O's appear in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azakaban

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16. P

(Last years rank: 16)
P is cool. Not great, not bad.

P Fact: People who used ":P" emoticon over any other, are 90% more likely to have served time in a county jail

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17. Q

(Last years rank: 17)

The “Keyboard King” may be first on your desktop and heart, but it’s lack of use made for a tumble down this year's rankings.

Q-Word Examples: ???

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18. R

(Last years rank: 18)

A P with a crutch. Nothing more, nothing less.

R Fact:  R as in the first letter in RevTown Jeans, affordable, fashionable jeans using premium athletic cotton (NASA Level Shit)

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19. S

(Last years rank: 19)

This placement may anger some S loyalists, but pease remember, this list is purely opinion and also alphabetized.

S Fact: Most common starting AND ending letter of words

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20. T

(Last years rank: 20)

The most perpendicular of the bunch.

T Fact: Due to, what I can only assume, my droopy eyelids and my last name starting with the letter, most people call me "Low T"

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21. U

(Last years rank: 21)

The famous "Halfpipe of the Alphabet", this clipped toenail brings up the tail end of letters.

U Fact: Kelly Clarkson's "Since U Been Gone" never reached number one, losing out to "Candy Shop" by 50 Cent

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22. V

(Last years rank: 22)

Just a pointy U

V Fact: Looks like vampire tooth

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23. W

(Last years rank: 23)

Just 2 pointy U's.

W Fact: Looks like vampire teeth

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24. X

(Last years rank: 24)

Points for appearing 3 times on generic jugs of clip art alcohol, and Vin Diesel action films, but loses points for being on the hands of nerds who don’t drink.

X Fact: She left me for good reason, and is now much better off. I'm happy for her and want her to succeed, and it would be a lie if I said I didn't think about her daily.

25.Y

(Last years rank: 25)

This noncommittal vowel is permanently in the midst of an identity crisis. It’s greed is reflected in this year's rankings.

Y Fact: The mayor of the city I live in LOVES it.

26. Z

(Last years rank: 26)

Oh how the mighty have fallen. Once proudly sitting as the seventh letter, poor Zed flew too close to the sun.

Z Fact: Only 2% of adults can write it's lowercase cursive form from memory.