Dating App Bios In The Coronavirus Era: An Investigation

Kate3/18/2020 9:33 PM

First of all, I'm sorry for that visual. The lack of symmetry on every single aspect of my face is startling from this 'old uncle learning Facetime' angle, and it's become apparent that eating PB&J on saltines for 2/3 meals per day is not doing much for my skin. Thankfully the college choice is my saving grace because anyone can see I'm clearly chock full 'o personality which is really all that matters.

But back to the blog. I cast a wide net on Bumble & Tinder to see if Coronavirus had infected people's profiles yet and indeed it has.

** I took out all photos & identifying details so as not to be a bigger douche bag than I already am **

1. This first one that starts a little rough but wins you back over...

2. On the opposite end, this one starts sweet but goes downhill...

3. This gent goes the extra mile on his 'sanitizer dealer' joke by looking extremely gruff & shady & having an enormous hoodie blocking most of his face. Again, he definitely just did that to go with the joke & that's not his general vibe/look, ha ha. Swipe right.

4. A party sounds nice, but doesn't he know we can't be shaking hands and touching races right now beca... ohhhhh I see what he did there, lol:

5. Zero clue what a dog licking a cat with the caption "The early years" means so I am intrigued... but this sort of makes me wish social distancing would never be over:

6. Actually don't hate this one:

7. Heard he's actually lead Software Engineer for that hot new Tonder app:

8. I'm only going to include a few of them, but there's a Coronavirus bio line that appears to be more common than quotes from The Office now. This was everywhere on both apps:

9. Hmm. 'Working on winning best kisser by JD Power & Associates' makes absolutely no sense if you think about it because kissing is not cars. And if you're just working on it you've never even won. Sheesh.

ALSO, this guy obviously hasn't seen my Coronavirus PornHub deep dive, because some pussies do got Coronavirus. Gotta be careful out there.

10. We got a jokester over here:

11. On the Bumble side besides a ton of those 'U R A Q T' lines, things were a lot more generic. Tonsss of people with variations of 'let's get through this ~* together *~ vibe'. BORRRRING... Where's the pussy eatin'?! Where's the THOTs?!

Unfortunately none of those were as compelling as this DM I got recently.. (warning HARD C):

But I'm sure as time goes on they'll get better.

Welp, since we're at the end I went back to check on my own profile & see if anyone's bitin' even though I don't have a fun Coronavirus reference in my bio.

Ope!

Looks like I got a solid prospect here: