Try Craigslist For Your Quarantine Cuddle Buddy

Ah, Craigslist: where one may go to find a couch or maybe someone to hole up with in your 100-square foot apartment before New York City issues a shelter-in-place order. I'm sure the people looking for someone to cuddle with on Craigslist are only the most sane and rational of those in New York, so this really seems like a fun, safe proposition.

I have used Craigslist to find both of the apartments I've lived in since I moved to New York and I have regretted each one. I can only imagine what type of deal anyone willingly engaging in Craigslist coronavirus cuddle sessions would be getting themselves into.

New York Post — “Before we all get put into quarantine let’s live together,” a Bay Ridge-based individual writes in a Craigslist post seeking to quarantine and chill. “I am looking for a live in situation and you can have room rent free. I am very well stocked up on food and beverages.”

I mean this has to be a crime, right? Like, you can't offer someone to live in your house rent-free during a national emergency and loosely imply that they have sex with you and then not go to jail. This is pre-crime at a minimum.

In another post, a 63-year-old man is looking for “Westchester/Bronx only” women to quarantine with him. But first, they must “meet up for coffee and discuss this.”

Yep, ok, this guy? Jail. Right away. No trial, no nothing.

I do suppose asking people to just stay in their houses and not expect the weirds to flock to Craigslist was a bit much to ask, but it would be great if we could just stop it right here.

How are thinly veiled sex requests on Craigslist even still legal? I thought we got rid of that? I suppose all bets are off during Quarantine 2K20. It's lawlessness.