Interactive Chart Shows Which Professions Are The Most At Risk For Corona Virus...Hey Dentists: Stay The Fuck Away From Me

Click here for the interactive chart

Everybody who knows me knows I love a good interactive graph or chart or graphic. I did the bouncing balls the other day, now we've got this beauty. It gives directions on how to read it and how to make sense of it. So I just scoped it out, and I got good news and I got bad news. Which do you want first? The good news?

Ok, if you're a LOGGER, you're all good. 

I got my hopes ALL THE WAY UP when I thought that said "Bloggers." But nope, turns out thats not even a respectable enough position for the New York Times to even discuss:

So, no. No B-loggers on the list. But thankfully, the good news is 4,579 of the 4,680 lumberjacks out there are all gucci. Gotta REALLY suck to be the one and only lumberjack to get Corona virus. Talk about social distance...that guy is gonna lose all his lumberjack friends quick fast. That one dude is probably like Dexter. Just ostracized and living in seclusion like a lumberman loser:

Now for the bad news - our teeth are fucked. Dentists getting all up in everybody's grill mix is apparently not good for business:

And not even just the dentists. The Dental Hygienists. You know the cute girl with the fat ass in the scrubs that you have a crush on? The one who tells you to "spit" and you feel it move a little bit? No? Is that just me? Well them. They're in trouble. Close proximity. Lotta bodily fluids. Short of having sex with someone, getting dental work done is about as intimate and filthy as an activity as you can do. And I'll tell you what...sometimes, both of those things end up happening:

Turns out, if you've been at the dentist under anesthesia like, any time at all in the last few years, chances are you've been diddled. So if you've gotten a cavity filled in the last 8-12 weeks, you probably have been molested and have Corona Virus. So I recommend everybody stock up on the floss along with the toilet paper and the hand sanitizer. Other wise you're getting assaulted and catching the flu. 

Check the chart for your profession and please - all jokes aside - be vigilant. My sister is a nurse, she called me in tears last night just terrified that she has to go to work. She said scarier than the disease is the way everyone is acting. Its like Lord of the Flies and its every man and woman for themselves. So, if you dont have to go to work, DONT. And if you do, please try to be civil and help each other rather than stepping on each other's throats. 

Stay healthy. Stay lazy. Team Indoors.