I Formally Invite Larry David To Make An Appearance On Season 4 Of The Goddamn Jets
"You hear about Carl? He killed himself. He said "I cant take anymore disappointment"
"Oh my god. The Jets killed Carl...and a little bit of the Knicks."
Larry David is obviously a titan of the comedy world. 2 of the most legendary shows ever to air. Dozens of hilarious characters written or inspired by him. He's bulletproof and beyond reproach (Word to Jamie O'Grady!) And now that Curb is on to season 10, the whole operation has been grandfathered in. Like Sunny. Eventually they become your old racist grandpa using Asian slurs at the dinner table. The kind where you're like "YEESH Pop, thats not allowed anymore!" but also its not like the N-word or any of the true, true abhorrent slurs so you just kinda let it slide and laugh a little bit.
That was this week's Curb, where Larry went full blown Goddamn Jets on us and did a whole episode about his friend killing himself because hes a Jets (and Knicks fan). Do you know how preposterous it is to do an episode of television in the year of our Lord two thousand and twenty joking around about suicide? Particularly over sports??? Take it from me. I built an entire brand off of telling people to kill themselves. I talk about suicide pretty much all day long. And believe you me, the walls are closing in on me for it. I think one more Twitter strike for "hate speech" and I get banned for life. Every time I tell someone to KYS or say I'm gonna KMS I get a bunch of sensitive sallies telling me its not funny and not cool and cyber bullying is real and that one day I'm gonna have blood on my hands for telling someone to kill themselves. To which I say that if someone out there kills themselves because an internet blogger said to on Twitter, well then they should, in fact, kill themselves. Like if someone's suicide note mentions KFC and is crying that he had to kill himself because I put the milk in the bowl before the cereal, well then I say good riddance.
Anyway, back to Curb. Its honestly awesome that Larry just said "fuck it" and went with a topic this sensitive. I mean Logan Paul got full blown canceled for being insensitive towards suicide. Its a BIG time hot button issue. And Larry is so funny and so well respected that everyone reverts back to the old way when you were allowed to just laugh at funny shit. Plus, its deadly accurate. I'm sure everyone across the country can understand and relate but for Mets/Jets/Knicks fans here in New York, this is one of the most relatable and hysterical storylines in TV history. All of us have either thought this or said this on a Sunday afternoon when the Jets can't cross the 50 yard line. Hell, I bet someone even did this. Maybe following the Buttfumble game or this year's I See Ghosts. I cant confidently say that someone ever left a suicide note explicitly stating this is because the Jets stink, but just like Carl, I bet its happened and been implied. Like where the timing is just undeniable. If I ever drop The Goddamn Jets, season 5 episode 19 and then turn up dead, you can rest assured its because of that fucking franchise.
So I just personally want to thank Larry David, for a multitude of reasons. 1) For being funny enough and successful enough to keep writing all the jokes and stories he wants. Never caving or changing. Never afraid to make any joke about race, religion, sex, death, etc etc. The world needs Larry David's to balance out the Blue Checkmark Brigade. And 2) this perfectly captures the essence of being a Mets/Jets/Knicks fan. Sometimes people accuse me of being dramatic, or over exaggerating, or other fan bases say they have it worse, and they don’t listen to me when I explain our plight. Well, maybe you can listen to Larry David. Maybe you’ll understand now. It’s not just me. It’s Larry. It’s Carl. It’s all of us. We can’t take any more disappointment. My mom always told me “sleep is the only escape,” but the truth is the real escape is just fucking death. That’s the only way to truly get the Jets out of your life.