Pornstars/Other Things You Can Give Up For Lent

LaCroix (Whites act like they love them)

Sure, the cans might be delightful to look at, but LaCroix usually just tastes like wet nickels. Either way, they're frequently consumed by many people and would make for an adequate Lenten sacrifice.

Skinny Jeans (ripped holes)

I know they might be an integral part of your rotation, but you can do without them for six weeks. Besides, they'd look way more appropriate on women or lanky boys.

Greys (on ABC)

Whether it’s binging your favorite medical drama on ABC for the 10th time (guilty!) or watching Sasha/Karlee on a BC for the 100th time (guiltier!), giving up Greys for Lent sure would be challenging.

A Danger (“white girl” from Miami)

This "white girl" is undoubtedly a danger to your health, but you should also stay away from it if you want to avoid trouble with the law. At least one of my coworkers got away with being in the same room as it without getting busted/busting.

Black Diamonds (extra intimidating for little boys)

This Lenten season, fans of the slopes can also refrain from indulging in the addictive thrills of Black Diamonds, which have been known to manhandle and take down even the most experienced riders and sportsmen. 

L. Paul (shitty brother)

Whether it’s refraining from watching an “adult superstar” struggle to act and obnoxiously moan and shriek on camera, or one of Lena Paul’s pornos, giving up either L. Paul for Lent is definitely something that God would appreciate. Maybe take a break from that Gibson too. 

Brandy (on the Roxxx)

Whether you’ve made a bad habit of seeking an ice cold glass glass of Remy Martin or a subpar porn scene to help take the edge off, it certainly wouldn’t hurt to give up a little Brandy for Lent.

Granger was in them (worked her magic)

If you’re a fanatic of the genre it will be really hard to not watch/reid anything from the vast collection for six weeks. But in the end, you'll come out stronger and less pathetic.