Jason Biggs' Real-Life American Pie Experience

Not one guest, not two guests, but THREE guests on today's Pardon My Take. That, plus an Old School Skype show with Mr. Cat and Mr. Commenter scattered across the country made for a unique PMT on this fine Wednesday. First up: actor Jason Biggs, who reminisced on his time on American Pie, what he's up to now, and how we was one of the first people to be #CANCELLED on Twitter back in the day. All of that, plus a wild couple of stories about what eventually turned into a real-life American Pie experience:

Mr. Cat: I have two crazy things, you can decide which one you want to talk about. Your wife hired a hooker for your birthday. And then she also accidentally posted your testicles on Instagram?

Jason Biggs: True. Both true. 

Mr. Cat: When I was doing research for Jason Biggs, you think you know a guy, and then you see his balls on Instagram. 

Jason Biggs: Did you know my whole ass is tattooed? 

Mr. Commenter: Wait, are you serious? 

Jason Biggs: No. 

Mr. Cat: I would have believed that. Wait, so your wife hired you a hooker for your birthday?

Jason Biggs: So, yeah. We got married at nine months and it was sort of soon after that. And we were still even, you know, we barely knew each other. But we we we went to Vegas and she thought it would be fun. It was my birthday. She's like, you know what? What can I get him? And it ended up being just a comedy of errors. It was just a disaster. 

Mr. Commenter: American Pie 5. 

Jason Biggs: Literally, I was like living an American Pie movie. The whole thing was a shit show. It just a disaster. My wife was laughing through the whole thing. Nothing about it made sense. Nothing about it was hot. The whole thing was just ridiculous.

Mr. Cat: So, she's had the upper-hand ever since.

Jason Biggs: Yes and no. It wasn't for me. It was almost as if she was doing it for the story. You know what I mean? And maybe I was, too. It was fun and hilarious, but it wasn't hot. It wasn't hot at all. And ended up being a disaster. We didn't have enough money, I had to end up running to the ATM in my boxers. My card got declined, she ended up leaving, she had a nail appointment, we were taking too long. This is all crazy true, just fucking ridiculous. And so she wrote this crazy story in her first book about it. And it's hilarious and, you know, got some buzz. And so, occasionally people like you guys will ask me about the hooker that my wife hired me. But it was a real just disaster.

Mr. Cat: Any other birthdays?

Jason Biggs: No, it was a one and done. The truth is, it really was about us having this kind of adventure together and less about like "We're that couple." We don't swing, we don't fucking do it. It is what it is. Now, my testicles. So, I guess I'm not choosing. I guess I'm doing both. 

Mr. Cat: Yeah, do both. That was a trick. 

Jason Biggs: You guys are good, you've done this before. I was on the toilet and she walked in and took a quick selfie in the mirror. And I was in the background and I had a magazine covering my package, or most of it I thought. And she posted it and I went on her Instagram and saw the photo. And I was like, those are my nuts hanging below the magazine. You could see my fucking balls. She then took it down, reposted it. 

Mr. Commenter: Yeah, TMZ got to it and put a big, black square in front of it. Actually, you know what? Here's one [with] a tiny, red star. She knew what she was doing. 

Jason Biggs: Well, she took the photo on purpose, but she didn't know that you could see my balls. 

Mr. Commenter: Not to get too into the physics of it, but how are your balls showing but your penis isn't showing? 

Mr. Cat: You have an erection. 

Jason Biggs: I have an erection. Yeah, my penis is pointed up. It's on the magazine. Yeah, I'm holding my penis up with the magazine. It's a bookmark. It was a really cool article that I needed to save. I was like, go ahead, babe, take a picture. But I'm keeping this page. 

Both of these stories are just ridiculous. So great, but so ridiculous. This is the perfect kind of content that you'll find on the No. 1 sports podcast. Mr. Cat and Mr. Commenter do the hard-hitting research before a guest comes in, and... BAM! The next thing they are talking about is hookers and boners on the toilet! In all seriousness, the entirety of Biggs' interview was a great listen. Nothing like American Pie.