Move Aside Danny Ocean! A Group Of Chinese Robbers Held Up A Delivery Truck To Steal... Toilet Paper??
The coronavirus outbreak in China has led to panic-buying across the region, with surgical masks in particularly high demand.
But another product thats increasingly hard to come by is toilet roll.
Which explains why, today, three masked raiders held up a supermarket delivery van today and made off with hundreds of toilet rolls worth more than 1,000 Hong Kong Dollars (about £98).
The knife-wielding robbers stopped the driver of a van delivering the loo rolls to a branch of Wellcome Supermarket, in the city’s Mong Kok district.
They took 50 boxes, containing a total of around 600 rolls, at 6am this morning.
Who would've ever guessed, with all of the madness going on in China, that toilet paper would be the one thing people are clamoring to steal. That - and of course - those little masks that you see your dentist wear when you inevitably make eye contact throughout the process of getting your teeth drilled to smithereens, but I digress.
This whole toilet paper heist situation is preposterous in all honesty. Something about a bunch of middle-aged men planning to take down a bog roll (I'm cultured. sorry not sorry) delivery truck is just so outlandish I have no clue what to think about these robbers. I just like the idea of a group of people who - for my imagination's sake - are very smart individuals sitting around a table, plotting to down one a fucking delivery truck. Simply unreal, I know.
It's a weird situation because toilet paper isn't necessarily one of the things you'd account for when stockpiling for a possible virus outbreak but good ole' tp is vital. Without it, there would undoubtedly be chaos. Dried fecial particles clinging onto butts, poop holes in the ground, people filling up buckets with shit and throwing out their windows like medieval times, things of that nature. Shit happens.
However, I'm not sure if this is a dickhead move or a big-brain move. On one hand, you're taking away toilet paper supplies (which are already notably very low at the moment) from an entire city that is on lockdown due to a titan in the virus industry. On the other hand, they're cornering the market on the tp. Now I'm not sure if they stole the product to sell it or to hoard it for their own personal use but they would've made an absolute mint selling it. Supply and demand like you read about.
I'm gonna have to lean with these guys are dickheads. Not because I don't respect the hustle because trust me, I do. It's just... I can't imagine living with no toilet paper. I feel bad for all the people who missed out on the new stock because some assholes decided that they were more important than everyone and just stole 600 rolls.
PS- There's no way 600 rolls of toilet paper only costs £98 ($127), that number seems far too low.
PPS- I would've made the toilet paper throne of a lifetime with 600 rolls of tp, fucking amateur hour out here.