Cruise Passengers Offered Free Porn For Being Quarantined Due To Coronavirus

The Miami-based porn site that tried to offer complimentary webcams to the Kansas City Chiefs and San Francisco 49ers last month is attempting to ease boredom for passengers stuck aboard Princess Cruises’ two quarantined vessels with free webcam sessions.

This bold offer was extended via press release from executives at adult website CamSoda and was directed at the 7,300 passengers who have been impacted by the coronavirus outbreak on the Diamond Princess and World Dream cruise ships, which are docked in Japan and outside Hong Kong.

“They are not only dealing with the fear of infection, which is terrifying, but boredom,” said Daryn Parker, CamSoda’s vice president. “We like cruises just as much as the next guy, but without activities or human interaction, the boredom must be crippling.”

“In an effort to keep their minds off of the coronavirus and to help with the boredom, we’re offering passengers and crews the ability to have fun in a safe and controlled environment with camming,” he continued in the release.

However, the 35 quarantined passengers who showed symptoms of the virus on the World Dream were disembarked after testing negative four days into the ship’s quarantine.

The Diamond Princess, on the other hand, has been under quarantine since Tuesday after an 80-year-old passenger from Hong Kong tested positive after the ship disembarked. The number of confirmed coronavirus cases on the ship has jumped up to 135, according to the New York Post.

I've never been on a cruise, but just asked the Barstool Chicago office how they are and the common conception is that cruises are "white trash" vacations.  Um, no thank you.  White trash is the worst.  

Here's a list of things I'd rather do than be surrounded by white trash off the top of my head:

1. get waterboarded
2. be born a Mets/Jets/Knicks fan
3. contract Coronavirus 

Sure, this cruise is in Far East waters, but for all intents and purposes lets assume there's a healthy amount of white trash on it.  Now you're telling me I have to deal with those assholes on top of being worried about contracting a flesh eating virus?  Hard pass.  That's not something I'd wish on Carl and I'd wish many gruesome fates on that guy. 

But hypothetically speaking, what would you do if you were in this position? Being quarantined would amplify boredom levels to never before seen heights.  That's why solitary confinement is such a touchy subject.  The only thing you can really do is beat yourself into Bolivian. 

But excellent news!  The good people at CamSoda.com have you covered.  

We've all been there before.  Bored out of your mind and you get that all too familiar tingling feeling, but don't have access to the internet/hard core porn for whatever reason.  Spank banks only have so much storage.  Need to mix it up here and there, and imagining Mary Queen, Abella Danger or whoever else get drilled out only gets you so far.  Need to mix it up.  Just ask Randy Marsh, he knows this more than anyone:

What CamSoda.com is doing is simple, abiding by the the age old adage of 'people helping people'.  We can now put them on the pantheon on all time people/philanthropists with Mother Teresa, Gandhi, and Hawk Harrelson.  They're saving people from dying from the horrific death of boredom.